At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Thursday, 9 July 2015

Love your Body! :) Part 1

A few days ago I wrote a post explaining how over the next week or so I am going to write a few wee lists which will hopefully help me (and all you guys too! :) ) to begin to appreciate and love your very own body. for accepting its so-called imperfections (thought I am a firm believer in the saying that it is all these little imperfections which make us special and perfect in our own little ways), bestowing upon it the care, respect and attention it deserves; and for recognising and appreciating everything it has done, will do and does for you, in the past, in the future and on a day-to-day basis. You and only you can be responsible for your body's health and well-being: others can help you, or try to force you to take measures in an attempt to protect yourself from causing you and your body from harm; but at the end of the day, the ball is in your court; it is your body, your life, and there is only so much people can do for you... inevitably, the person who has to take on the responsibility or who will suffer the consequences, whose life will be you.

And so today, I thought I would share with you my own list of the things that my body has done, and still does do, for me...things which I may have taken for granted in the past, things that I might not even have given a second thought to before. But now, I realise, that it is all because of my body that I could do and can do all these things. Writing a list like this acts as a real eye opener, to the extent to how hard your body works for you, what it has done for you, and which it loyally continues to do for you on a daily or regular basis...for as long as it can draw breath. We need to all realise just how amazing, how incredible our bodies really are; we also need to learn how to love, respect, and care for them. Always remember: your body will never give up on you; it will take care of long as you are prepared to care for it, nurture it, in return.

  • Without my body I would never be able to see, hear, or feel the world around me; without it, I would never, ever have been enabled to experience the breathtaking magnificence and beauty of the planet which we know as Earth. I wouldn't be able to inhale the delicate fragrance of the bluebells in springtime; I wouldn't be be able to hear the cuckoo calling or the blackbird singing from the rooftops, neither would I be able to witness to pale, radiant purity of a snowy morning. 

  • because of my body, I was able to gaze over the sapphire-blue waters of the Pacific and watch fluffy wild sealions wreath and play in the tresses of yellowy kelp which form underwater jungles along the coast of California. I was able to climb to the top of Puig de Maria, running my fingers through the silvery leaves of the olive trees which overhung the rocky path upon which I trod. I was able to leave my footprints along the golden sands of the beaches of West Cork, the roars of the Atlantic crashing in my ears, the fresh sea breeze catching strands of my hair and casting them across my face.
  • Because of my body I was able experience the magic of Irish dancing for myself, feel the pulsating rhythm and the enchanting beat of the bodhrán, leap across the stage like a creature of the faery world, as if my feet were on fire, as if I was one with that music. I will never forget being able to dance like that. And I hope by caring for my body, I might be able to do so once again.
  • Because of my body I can feel the softness of my doggy's fur, ruffle his ears, take him for walks on the heathery bogs and moors, the rustling forests, the dewy meadows. I can pick up my cat and cuddle him in my arms, feel the warmth of his body against my own.
  • I can write and do things with my hands - knit and draw and make delicious creations in the kitchen. 
  • And of course, it was my body which kept me alive, when I at my lowest weight in the depths of anorexia. Despite all the strain and abuse that I forced it to endure, my body refused to give up on me, and allowed me to survive. Now I know is the time I repay my body in full for everything it has done for me, and, though I know this is easier said then done, I am determined to prove to my eating disorder that it is no longer the one who decides what is best for my body
And there you go, just a snapshot of some of the things which my body does and has done for me which I am so, so grateful for. Think about your own body, your own life, and what your body has done for you. Love your body and it will love you back; choose recovery and fight your eating disorder. It is the best thing you could possibly do for your body! <3 xxx


  1. Beautiful Emmy and so so true. We take so many things our bodies do for us for granted every single day....your post has inspired me to create my own wee list now! Our bodies are our temples - let's look after them! x

    1. <3 awww haigh mo chroí <3 <3 <3 exactly hun! The human body is an AMAZING thing and we should give it the care and respect it deserves! Tabhair aire agus feicfidh mé go luath mo stor!! <3 xxxxx

  2. Beautiful Emmy and so so true! We take so many things our wonderful bodies do for us for granted every day. Your list has inspired me to create my own wee body appreciation list....thanks chicky. Our bodies are our temples let's look after them! x

    1. <3 <3 <3 le grá mo chroí dior <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx