At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

This is me, the Ganache-Elf. :)

Hi everyone! :) My name is Emmy and I am 21 years old. I was born in England, but have lived in Ireland for the past seventeen years, in a beautiful house in the countryside, in the heart of the Irish Midlands. 

  On the outside, it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl. A girl who is an avid baker and a cook, who is fanatical about animals; who loves spending time outside in nature and walking her dog; and who is very partial to a warming mug of hot chocolate or a chunky galaxy bar. But for years, behind that bright, seemingly carefree smile, I hid a dark, dark secret, which I was prepared to conceal from the eyes of the world at all costs. 

My secret was, of course, that I had an eating disorder; But even though, deep down in my heart, I recognised my secret as being a cold, hard, and unquestionable truth, I remained in a state of pure denial for eight long, difficult, lonely years of restriction, overexercise, isolation and depression. It wasn’t until May 2014, when something clicked deep inside me, and I realised that the life I was currently living wasn’t really a life at all. I had an eating disorder, and I knew that I now had a choice to make: recover, and free myself, or remain entrapped in the depths of my illness forever, and most likely die from it.

I started writing My Cocoa Stained Apron not long after after that day I chose to fight for my freedom, and  for recovery. Since that day, my life has changed dramatically before my very eyes. I was forced to withdraw from college in October of that year, following a number of doctor visits which served to shed light on the fact that I was unable to recover alone, and that the serious damage done to my body over the years meant that I required specialist medical treatment for my condition. In January of the following year, I was admitted to a mental services hospital, where I remained for nine weeks. And it was then and only then, when I realised just how severely my eating disorder had really affected me; what it had taken from me. The most hardest of blows came when I was diagnosed with serious osteoporsis in February. After being sick for so many years, my disorder had taken a devastating impact on my bones. They are now weak, fragile and susceptible to fracture. I will always have osteoporosis; it can be treated, bbut there is no cure.

my blog has been there with me, ever since I embarked upon this long and difficult journey which is recovery. For me, my blog is a place of reflection and memories; where I can record my recovery journey and share my experiences with the world. It is also a place where I can connect with those who have been touched by, have suffered, or who are suffering with an eating disorder or any other mental illness.  Though I am not fully recovered and still have a good way to go on this journey to health and freedom, I feel that I do have something to offer to the world. I have advice to give and experiences to share; and I hope that by reaching out and offering my help and support to those who are struggling, I will be able to make a difference in the world and join in the ongoing battle to destroy eating disorders forever. 

My whole recovery journey is chartered through my posts, as well as posts offering advice, help, opinions and just reflections of the many different aspects and areas of recovery. And because I am a baker and a massive fan of sweet things, I also like to incorporate my own baking and cooking into my blog, and share my alltime favorite recipes with my readers. . Alongside that, now and again I like to include the odd post about Ireland and what it is like to live in the beautiful "Emerald Isle;, as well as my daily life, my interests and hopes for the future; and also Morokia, the medieval epic-type story which I started writing way back in my teens, and which I hope to get back into writing very soon. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and to look at my blog. Please don't hesitate to comment or email me at anytime. My email address is . I would love to hear from you. <3 xxx

Always remember...

Life is too short to be anything but happy...

Falling down is part of life.

Getting back up is living.

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