At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Friday, 10 July 2015

Day 1: The name of my Blog?:)

Over the next couple of weeks or so (or, knowing me, it will probably take alot longer than that..;) , i am taking part in a blog challenge alongside my fellow blogger and dear friend Karly. It's only really a bit of fun, but also it might help you to get to know me just a wee bit better; to see beyond the girl with an eating disorder with her weak bones and uncountable regrets and difficult, stormy past. Rather, through this wee blog challenge, I hope you will come to know the real Emmy - a twenty-one year old girl who is fanatical about animals, who is super-superstitious, who is always, always hot and who absolutely adores chocolate, in its various forms. ;) I do think that there is much, much more to every single individual out there then meets the eye; we all have as many layers as an onion, if not more. So please feel free to join in, on any or all of the different days of the blog challenge -I would love to hear from you! :)

Your blog's name?:)

I clearly remember the day when I decided I was going to start blogging; the tingling sense of nervousness and anticipation when I wrote my first ever blog post. When it was completed, however, I had another more pressing dilemma; one which was much more tricky to solve than the question of what exactly I was going to write in my first blog post. That question being, of course...what should I name my blog?

And then a dear friend of mine suggested something to do with my apron, no doubt referring to the gaily coloured little apron I would always wear when baking: something which I had become famous for amongst my own circle of friends. I loved to bake, and even when I was very sick with my eating disorder, baking was one of the few interests that I managed to keep alive.

And so that's how it came into being, I suppose. My Cocoa Stained Apron - my blog. I wanted my blog to be a combination of posts which related to both recovery and, of course, baking. But the title has a few other connotations which I thought I'd share with you today. The first isn't quite so explicit as the first (let's say it's alot more metaphorical!! ;) ). An apron is worn to protect oneself from stains and marks when in the kitchen. It might undergo alot of abuse. It might be torn, holes might appear in the fragile fabric. however, the dedicated owner will patch it up and determinedly carry on.

And now I'm going to say something which might not make much sense at all, but here goes. Recovery is like that faithful, stained apron. The journey of recovery is never perfect - there will be marks and stains, spillages, tears, holes; just like those made upon the apron.

But if we, the person who essentially OWNS our own recovery - noone else can do it for you - persevere and don't give up, and keep on fixing those tears and holes, and keep on going despite all the marks and imperfections...for recovery is, and never will, be perfect, or without some flaws.

Okay, yeah...I guess my metaphor isn't very good, I get that. But hopefully you get the general idea. ;)

And now, of course, the title of my blog has a more obvious meaning as well. ;) As you probably already know by now, I absolutely love chocolate, of both the drinkable and edible kind. Hence the reason why my actual real-life apron, currently stuffed in an untidy drawer in the kitchen at home, awaiting my return - does in fact have many a chocolatey stain upon it! ;)

My love affair with chocolate continues on!!! :p


  1. A wonderful post Emmy! Thanks for joining me on this blogging challenge. I hope you are doing ok gorgeous <3 xx

    1. Awww hun thank you so much ! And it is my pleasure hun I love doing blog challeneges with you <3 Take care dear talk soon <3 <3 <3 xxxxx

  2. Replies
    1. Awww thank you! <3 hope you are doing okay Ryley! <3 xxx