Fixing

Today I went to see a counsellor. I emerged from the somewhat dreary loooking place some 50 minutes later enwrapped in a cloudy sort of emptiness. It hadnt quite been what I had expected. Indeed far from it. She had more or less admitted that they weren’t quite what I was looking for.
But what am I looking for?
I suppose...the quick switch to my recovery.

But from a physical perspective I am doing well, I guess. But mentally I feel the same. And I still find myself practising every day those silly little ed habits that I have long resolved to work on, and overcome. Yet they linger, as does Ed, and his harsh, whispered dictations never cease to play on repeat within my mind.

The quick switch to my recovery.
If only such a thing existed.

But it doesn’t.

But the one thing that cannot be diminished, is; the love of my babe; the support of my loved ones.
And the hidden strength within Me, to change.

There may be no quick fix; to mend these broken parts, the shattered pieces.

But instead, it is I. I who can do the slow, painful fixing of me.