At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Thursday 11 June 2015

A perfect day...:) xxx

Hi everyone!!

I know some people might laugh, but when I logged onto blogger today, I got a little buzz of excitement when I saw there was not 1, but 4 comments left for me to read!! Awww!!! Again, I know some might find this comical, that I got so excited about what might seem like to some such a small, insignificant little thing. but honestly, let me tell you this now, this one little thing made me feel so, so happy, so overjoyed to hear from the wonderful, truly amazing individuals who are YOU, my readers. So please, just allow me to take this opportunity to say, Thank you all so, so much...for commenting, for reading, for thinking of me...<3 <3 <3

I am so sorry I didnt get round to replying sooner to the comments by the way!! Yesterday, I didnt actually go onto Blogger much at all...as I actually wasn't at home! I went for a little "adventure" with two of my closest friends. And oh, what an adventure it truly was. It was a day which was just, simply perfect. The weather, the craic, the chats, the laughter we shared. Every single little thing we did, every little recalled memory we drew forth from the past, every single little plan we made for the summer ahead of us.

and you know, yesterday, I almost forgot that I was a girl with an ED...

me and my friends bought some gorgeous food and had our lunch in true authentic picnic style, underneath a sky which easily could have been mistaken for that of Spain, or Africa, or Australia. But no, this was an Irish sky; and at that very moment in time, I couldn't have been happier, on any other place on this earth. The emerald green grass, scattered with tiny daisies. Flowerbeds alive with blooms that dazzled the eye and took your breath away: so beautiful, so vibrant, so free and alive with colourful splendour. The leafy trees, each branch heavily laden with fresh new growth: the sycamore with its dainty winged "helicopters"; hawthorns with their radiant array of pink or white blossoms; copper beech trees with their deep red leaves, rustling softly in the warm summer breeze that blew from the south. That breeze touched our skin and gently tossed strands of hair across our faces; wafting the delightful smells which spoke only of June into our nostrils: The odour of freshly cut grass, the perfume of the flowers, the coconutty fragrance of our own suncream. It was an afternoon of joy and laughter, happiness and smiles...and of a tranquility so perfect, it almost seemed surreal...

We had great fun cooking a truly delicious evening meal at my friend's sunlit little kitchen that evening. We sat around the table on the patio, chattering away long after the sun had slipped beneath the rooftops to the west, and a silent, peaceful calm had settled over the darkening garden. Eventually we wandered back inside and drank hot chocolate in front of the TV, giggling as we dipped and licked teaspoons into the little pot of almond butter we had discovered hidden away in one of the many kitchen cupboards, and had decided that we would enjoy as a little night snackrel. ;)

It was a magical day, a truly beautiful, unforgetable day, the memory ofwhich I will treasure in my heart forever.

yesterday made me realise, once again, just how much I have to be grateful for; how much I have to live for. Why it is so important to keep on fighting my eating disorder, to keep on making myself stronger, to never, ever let myself give up and to tell myself that recovery is not worth it.

Please hear my words now and believe me when I say, that happiness is possible. No matter what. A few months ago, not long after my osteoporosis diagnosis, I found myself in a very, very bad place. I had never felt so low, so helpless, so desperate. And I did, at one point, convince myself that it would be better for everyone, and everything, if I was no longer alive. I believed that I had nothing left to live for...

But here I am now, several months later... and yesterday I really did exoperience true happiness. I hadnt a care in the world as I lay underneath that sky making daisy chains with my friends. ED was there, of course, but ED did not govern my actions and make my food choices for me, or take away from my enjoyment of the day, in any single way.

Henry Ford once said: Whether you believe you can, or can't, do it...you're right. And this is SO true, of life. Because if you believe, you truly can do anything. So let yourself believe, that true happiness IS possible. Turn your face towards the sun...because then you will never be in the shadow. <3 xxx


8 comments:

  1. I am so, so happy that you had such an amazing day Emmy, afterall that is exactly what you deserve! <3 keep fighting and there is no reason why every single day cant be like this! :) You look absolutely gorgeous in this picture, I dont think I have ever seen a picture of you looking so happy. Xx

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    1. <3 aww thanks so much hun <3 it really was such an aamazing day and gives me lots of hope for the future. <3 thanks so much again hun <3 all my love and lots of hugs to you hun xXxXx

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  2. You fight so hard Emily, you so so so deserve many more happy days like this one and I am SO glad you were able to experience it! In the depths of an ED the thought of being "normal" can be incredibly daunting so it's fantastic when we see things like this that remind us how truly wonderful "normal" really is.

    And I echo what was said above: you look stunning in that photo and honestly, wonderfully happy. It just goes to show that happiness really is true beauty and you are positively radiant in that photo!

    You're such an inspiration, keep up the great work! You deserve every single bit of happiness that comes your way <3

    Huge hugs from Canada

    -N xx

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    1. <3 aww thanks so much hun <3 it really was a wonderful day. It all just proves to show that recovery is SO worth fighting for. I know for a fact that if I was as ill as I was a year or so ago I would never have enjoyed my day as much as I did! Aww and thanks so much hun <3 I didnt think twice about that picture but looking at it now I do look so happy haha! I hope things are going ok for you too hun <3 all my love and best wishes <3 xxx

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  3. Such a pretty pretty post again ;) so heartwarming and lovely *_* you deserve such happiness so so much more than Miss MAger and you are worth all the love *_* I wish you so so many of those days ;) and believe me I always loooove and enjoy to leave comments on your blog, because your posts are so much worth all the esteem :) Love u so so much hun <3 xxx

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    1. <3 awww my huni <3 I absolutely love getting comments from my special little Nutella-loving girleeeeee <3 They always make me chuckle and smile awww <3 thanks huni so so much <3 I'm going to finish replying to your messages now.. ;) xxxxx

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  4. How wonderful for you! I was smiling from ear to ear reading this post! Your writing is truly beautiful, so splendid, it just adds to the magnificence of the day, a day which you deserved wholeheartedly. It gladdens my heart that you were able to have such a great day with your friends and more or less without your ED. Let's pray for more of these days in the future for you. You deserve nothing less than this unconditional happiness my lovely! <3 xxxx

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    1. aww hun thanks so so much <3 It really was such a beautiful, special day, just so perfect in every way <3 Thank you so much for your sweet wishes hun <3 I too really hope with all my heart that soon you will be able to share experiences like this as noone could deserve them more! Keep fighting hun! Thank you so much for being there for me <3 xXxXx

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