And suddenly my hand was no longer empty, and I found myself writing, organising the scattered jumble of words in my head into an equation. An equation that certainly rings true for me, and I am sure, that it has, for many others out there who have suffered or who are suffering with an eating disorder.
Anorexia = ...
Loneliness and isolation.
Messed up hormones.
Misery and wretchedness.
Liver and heart problems.
Exhaustion and fatigue.
Inability to grow up.
Compulsive, abnormal behaviors.
Hurting loved ones and causing them untellable pain.
Lying and deceit.
Constant preoccupation with food.
Lack of interest in anything.
Loss of contact with friends.
Physical and psychological damage, some of which can't be reversed.
Regrets and missed opportunities.
So please, if you are ever struggling... if you ever let yourself think that the Voice is just too strong and that you can't, you just can't fight it any longer...if you ever find yourself slipping and following the commands and dictations of that Voice in your Heart instead of going with your heart, your gut instinct, or the advice of your family and friends and those who love and care about you... just take a moment to breathe and think about the equation. What did ED ever bring you? Happiness? Popularity? A dream body? Friends? Control? Everything and anything you ever wanted in this life?
No. Anorexia brings nothing of these things, to you, to me, to anyone; and it never will. And I am just one of those people who believed, back then, that it would; and thus allowed myself to succumb to its alluring, seductive embrace. An embrace that traps, suffocates,kills. Please don't ever forget what an eating disorder really stands for. Many things change in this world that we live in, but I believe that the truth of the equation that I wrote on my notes in the small, dark little room yesterday will always remain the same.