At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Day 20: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

10 years time...I will be thirty-one!! The very thought of that makes me feel very old!! And this is a question that does run through my mind, every now and again. Where will I be in the future? Where am I going? What does life have in store for me? What life am I going to forge for myself?

A dear friend once told me, that anything really is possible, if you believe. And this I have adopted as a little life philosophy, in a way. If you believe you will recover, you will. If you believe you can live the life you love and make all of your dreams come can, and you will!! Nothing is impossible!!

And so today, here is a wee list of what I would like my life to be like, in 10 years time...

  • First and foremost, of course...I want to be completely and totally recovered from my eating disorder. I want my anorexia to be nothing but a memory to me, the memory of which I will use to spread awareness and help educate others about the signs, symptoms, effects and consequences of eating disorders. 
  • Of course, by that time, I would love to think that I would be a primary school teacher. The career path which I had always looked towards with longing, but had convinced myself that i was not good enough for. But now I see the error of my ways. I know that if I am prepared to put myself out there, study hard, and push myself out of my comfort zone, I have everything it takes to be a great teacher. I am kind, caring, patient and adore kids. All I need is a bit more self-confidence, something which I have been trying to build upon every day. And, of course, I know that being a primary school teacher with an eating disorder is NOT going to be an option for me. Looking back now I can see the devastating toll my eating disorder took on me in terms of my intellectual abilities. My memory, my concentration, my ability to study were all adversely effected. I know that I will only ever be able to follow my dream if I am fully, not partially, recovered.
  • Volunteering is something which I am planning to start doing this summer (in fact it was only today when I actually marched myself down to the office in Portlaoise to talk to the lady in charge of Laois Volunteering and get the necssary forms from her!!! ) and is something which I intend to keep up for many years yet to come. I would like to think that perhaps in around ten years time I will be able to perhaps volunteer abroad too.
  • In ten years time, I fully intend to be well enough to go for long hikes in the walking hot spots of the world. Snowdonia, Scotland, the Lake and Peak Districts, the Kerry Way and the Alps, maybe even the mountains of Canada..? ;) And I sincerely hope that in 10 years time I will most certainly have ticked off a good few places on my Destination list !!! ;) 
  • I also hope that in 10 years time I will have further perfected my baking skills, of course!! Yet another list I have (which I MUST share with you sometime actually!!) is my to-bake list haha, which is basically a never-ending, never-to-completed piece of literature!!! :p
  • I often think to 10 years time...what sort of person will I be? Well, I hope that in 10 years time, I will have completely detached my own identity from my eating disorder, and that I will have the courage to be...just me. Simply me, Emmy Snelgrove, not Emmy with an eating disorder, not Emmy who is trying to be perfect, or trying to change herself, or trying to be someone else. Just...Me. 
Happy baking away in the kitchen at the weekend!! ;) xxx


  1. You are such a determined person, I have NO doubt that you are going to achieve your goals. You have so much insight: you know what you need to do and you work methodically towards it. Your strength and determination to beat this disorder and live the fantastic future that awaits you are so inspiring. And it's so nice to have things like this to work towards, something to hold on to when recovery gets tough.

    And yes, come hike in the mountains in Canada!!!

    -N xx

    p.s. BEAUTIFUL photo!! I love your hair! So jealous, I wish mine would grow that long!

  2. <3 <3 <3 thank you so so so much hun!!! You are so sweet and kind and your words mean the world to me <3 And I would absolutely love to come to canada, it looks so beautiful. Aww! thank you hun! <3 I thought my hair looked so messy in that as well! Thanks hun <3 I will replyto your email as as soon as possible <3 xxxxx

  3. Emmy, I LOVE this post as it shows that you are starting to adopt a wonderful attitude towards your recovery and your future. Believing you are capable of achieving anything at all really does make the world of difference, which I am sure you will soon realise. :) I am so proud of you for having such wonderful goals and dreams for your future. This shows that you have not given into your anorexia and that you are not going to let it win. I especially love your last goal (to just be you). From what I have seen, Emmy Snelgrove is a truly wonderful person so just being yourself and being known for just being you is an excellent dream for the future (and something I KNOW you will achieve).
    Keep believing Emmy and you will be unstoppable!
    <3 Karly xx

    1. <3 aww hun, this comment almost made me cry!! thank you so, so much hun <3 I think it is super important to make goals... It really helps to motivate me and make me realise recovery is so worth the fight. I am a firm believer in that if you believe that you can do something, then you will and that we can realise our dreams. All my love hun. Thank you so, so much. <3 xxxxx

  4. Great post! I am sure you will accomplish everything you want! :) xo

  5. Wow your determination and goals are admirable! I can see myself, in ten years time, reading about all the things that you are getting up to and it fills me with great excitement! Goals are so important in life, and especially in recovery. It makes our fight all the more worthwhile, to try and fulfil challenges for a purpose! xxxx

    1. <3 that is so so true hun <3 thank you so so much for your support hun, reading this and knowing I have such dear friends like you behind makes me even more motivated to fight for these goals and make them happen <3 thanks so much hun <3 xxxx

    2. I'm always here to support you, you're a special young lady and I love having you as a dear online buddy. Can't wait to hear about these goals you're destined to achieve! <3 keep fighting xxx