At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Day 9: Who do you look up to? Why?

In my life, there are a number of people who have helped me enormously in my journey to recovery: some, who I have known since i was very young; others, maybe only for the past year or so, maybe even less than that. Yet every single one of them never cease to inspire and motivate me every single day. On my down and bad days, it is they who I turn to, who help me to pick myself up when I have fallen, and tentatively step forward once again. I know thatwithout their love, care, help, and support, I would never have gotten to where I am today in terms of my recovery. They have been there for me every step of the way, and I want to take this opportunity to thank them, all of them, with all my heart. Because without them, I know that climbing out of that merciless, cold, depthless sea of my anorexia would have been impossible, let alone beginning to climb that mountain towards recovery...

One of the people I look up to the most is my sister. Liz has been my rock ever since I was diagnosed with an eating disorder back in October. She helped me to pick up the pieces of my world when it seemed like my whole world had fallen apart. While I was in hospital she visited me as often as she could, despite the fact that it was difficult for her as she had to travel all the way from Monaghan to Dublin to see me.

I look up to my sister because I can see, when I look at her, a young woman who is beautiful, both on the inside and on the outside. She is happy, kind, understanding and supportive. She is friendly and socialbale, brave and strong. She listens to her body and eats what she likes, when she feels like it. She sees food as something to be enjoyed and shared and appreciated, rather than something to be measured and controlled and feared.

I will never be able to thank Lizzy for what she has done for me. She has been there for me since day 1...and I know that she always will be. Time may pass, leaves may fall...and everything I ever knew might change, might vanish forever. But I know that the love between my sister and I, that special sisterly bond that we have shared since we were children, will never be altered or diminished in any way; and will remain as palpable and as strong as the wings of a soaring eagle, or as the waves that crash against the golden shores of the beautiful island where I first tasted what true happiness feels like... <3 xxx 


  1. Hi Emmy, I look up to you, because you offer me so much help, your patience is never ending and you are the friend I have always wanted. Your support means so much to me and you believe in me more than i do. Your understanding helps me every day not to give up. Thanks so much, mary

    1. <3 oh hun that means more than the world to me <3 thank you so, so much <3 I am always here for you hun, I really love to hear from you and I really want to help you overcome this Voice! All my love and best wishes, take care hun <3 xxx