At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Day 5: How would you like the be remembered?

Again, another very tough question for me to answer. No sooner had I typed those seven words out as my post title, and had sat back to ruminate on what on earth I should write...the critical voice, Ed's voice, immediately set in.

As if there's anything about you which is worth remembering...

The only thing worth remembering about you, is the girl who suffered, and died from, her eating disorder...

It's true, this is what I used to think and believe. And even now, on my bad days, the Voice is stil there, trying to convince me that this really is what all that I will be worth remembering for.

But I know I that this is not true. I know that what I want to be remembered for, what I really want to be remembered for. I want to be remembered as the happy, smiling, bubbly girl with the long blonde hair and the kind, sincere blue eyes. Who was friendly, loyal, open and honest and loving. Who was a true friend, a loving daughter and sister.

I want to be remembered as the girl who did recover, despite all the bumps in the road, the uncertainties, the fears, the slip-ups. I want to be remembered as the girl who helped others to recover, too. Through my writing and my blog, through reaching out to all those who are struggling, through listening and giving advice and offering care, support, and a helping hand to every single person out there with an eating disorder.

I want to be remembered as the girl who recovered...

Who proved that eating disorders CAN be beaten...

I think there is still part of me too who wants to be remembered as Emmy the Medieval Geek and author of Morokia...haha who knows I might publish my trilogy some day and become famous??? :p haha ahh sure we're all allowed to dream!!! :p


  1. Emily. I don't know you. Nor will I ever. I live half way around the world... and to many you are just another girl struggling with this horrible disease. But, I want you to know that I think you are beautiful and to have come so far in your recovery is a blessing. If you ever feel like a failure or you aren't "good" at recovery, please remember that you can be however "good" you want to be. You can BE whoever you want to be. You WILL recover, and you will live your dreams. Just hang on tight, keep pushing forward... and one day you'll see that it was all worth it.

    Sincerely, Ryley

    1. <3 Thank you so so much Ryley for such a lovely, touching comment. I really appreciate this so much <3 hope you had a lovely day xxx