At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Thank you, My Cocoa-Stained Apron…

Ok…so why are you thanking your own blog/dirty apron, Ganache-Elf?? Well I am sort of thanking both, actually…but why and why now? Let me explain. As I keep on bewailing and lamenting…summer is drawing to a close. And unfortunately…I’m not quite sure where my blogging will be going from here…will I have the time to blog when back at coll. I will want to, of course – I would much, much rather blog than do any of my course-related stuff. If we lived in a world where we could all just do what our hearts truly desired…? Well I don’t think I’d ever go back…but I feel as if I have to, and not going back is just not realistic and affordable.
But hey, I might e wrong…I hope that I am wrong, I hope that I will be able to continue with my logging once college starts again. Because I have found that I do love blogging, that I haven’t completely lost my old love for writing…and that My Cocoa Stained Apron has developed into something truly special, for me. I know I probably don’t have any readers, that my blog is probably just one tiny seed in a massive field of wheat…there are so many fascinating and interesting blogs out there I know, and I am sure that they are a thousand times better than my own one. But, anyway…even if I haven’t helped anyone else, even if my recipes will never be read, let alone be of use to anyone…well, I can still say that My Cocoa-Stained Apron has helped me to…
·         Beat my ED…by acting as a diary of sorts where I could record and reflect on all that happened to me, to the changes I made and the goals that I wanted to achieve…by allowing me to take note of all the habits and patterns of behaviour that I wanted to be free of…for enabling me to tell the world how I really feel.
·         Connect with my old love of writing…and prove to myself that I can still write; that I’m not completely useless. My Cocoa-Stained Apron has made me realise that if something means a lot to me, then I can write about it: that I WANT to write about it, too.
·         Realise that I am a baker and a cook…that I love food and that I love working with it. My blog has allowed me to share the recipes that I love and cook in my own kitchen, as well as acting as a place where I can record what I bake/cook every week and acknowledge that I am actually quite adventurous and diverse when it comes to cooking…I’m always ready to take on a challenge and try something new, while at the same time staying true to the classic timeless recipes I’ve been making ever since I started my baking journey.

And of course...I have my faithful apron to thank, too. For through baking and blogging I've come to realise how much I love food, writing about food, and eating delicious things...and without a doubt both my blog and my baking has helped me defeat my eating disorder for good.

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