At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Saturday, 6 September 2014

Everyone in the world is trying to lose weight...except for me. :(

I am sure i am not alone in this…I suppose, when you are trying to gain weight, you become super conscious of what you are eating, and not only that, what everyone else around you (and well…what you think everyone else in the big wide world…) is, too. And yes, it is very diverting and off-putting, when you are like me and trying to gain weight and eat more and exercise less…when it seems like everyone is literally trying to lose weight and become slimmer and eat less and to exercise loads and to not exceed the recommended amounts of calories and sugar and salt and fats and………..the list is endless, isn’t it…
I’m glad to say though that this is less of an issue for me as time has gone on. I think I have learnt to close my eyes to it, and focus on what is most important for me, myself. I think it is sort of true to say that we live in a world obsessed with losing weight…and what with the never-ending reports on rising obesity and the dangers of being overweight being hammered into our heads on an almost daily basis…it sometimes makes me want to yell out loud: but what about us? I mean, the people who are recovering from EDs and want to gain, not lose.
I think it’s so important to pay attention to both sides of the coin…neither of these problems should be treated as more significant than the other. If you are too fat, get help. If you are too skinny, get help, too: don’t just do what I did and do nothing for days, months, years upon end, and waste so much of your life dieting and watching what you eat and eradicating all possible enjoyment to be obtained from food.
I think too people underestimate just how hard it is to actually gain weight…well for some it might be easy, but if you had an ED like me, it’s a different matter altogether. The thought of being too full…of eating MORE than what you feel comfortable, safe with…having to face the fearful concepts of having a bigger, more-rounded body. It’s NOT easy, and those who laugh and say…you’re trying to gain weight? Well aren’t you lucky! You can literally eat what you want. Just EAT! It’s so simple!!! are wrong, so wrong! So please, if you know anyone with an ED, or who had an ED and is trying to recover…be as sensitive and as supportive as you can. It’s one of the best possible things you could do.  

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