Be like a flower...:) xxx

The past few weeks I know I have been posting alot of thought posts in which I have been reflecting upon my life and my future, and the decisions that lie ahead of me. And can I just say, I have really been so overwhelmed and touched by the response I have had on these posts: messages and comments containing Words of support, advice, reassurance and encouragement. I know I say this all the time, but truly, I mean it. Thank you, from the very bottom of my heart, thank you so so much. I mean it when I say that you are all so amazing. <3

Today, as I awoke and peeped out my bedroom window, gazing out at the beauty of the early dawn that lay before me, I felt my spirits lift and my mood lighten as the heavy, burdening sense of melancholy - which I had carried around with me ever since my day with the girls has drawn to a close - slowly began to ebb away, gently and gradually, like shells being tenderly carried away by the rolling waves of a calm sea. It was a new morning, of a new day. The rising golden ball of the sun ascended higher and higher into a gorgeous pale blue sky, streaked with purple and pink and grey. It was a painter's sky, so many different hues and tints and shades, and the effect was breathtaking.

That morning, I spent a little time outside, taking note of some of nature’s finer, more exquisite details. The network of veins on each leaf of the small beech tree growing at the front of the house; the fragrant scent of the honeysuckle twining itself up the sweetpea frame at the side of the house; the yellow-gold brilliance of the blackbird’s bill as he gracefully hopped along the edge of the conifers, twittering softly as his coal-black feathers glinted in the sunlight.
 And then, there were the flowers themselves: both those of the wild, and then the garden. In baskets on the front, petunias, lobelia and marigolds gathered together in a glorious array of colour: dusky lilac and rosy-pink, blood-red and silvery blue, canary yellow and sunset orange. Down at the very bottom of my acre-large garden, where the lawn begins to give way to patches of tarmac and stone, with many a gap occupied by long-stemmed grasses and weeds. And yet even here, the flowers can be found: beautiful ox-eye daisies, dainty herb robert; fuzzy-headed yarrow, and golden, wispy buttercups.

When I left the hospital, one of my dear friends who had been an inpatient with me gave me a beautiful little card with dozens of gorgeous poppies on the front, blowing gently in a soft summer breeze. In flowing script below the poppies was written a little Native American proverb which I thought I would share with you today.

May your life be like a flower, growing freely in the beauty and joy of each day...

And so from this day onward I am going to try to take my dear friend's advice to heart...I am going to be like a flower, like the flowers in my garden, like the flowers on my card, the flowers growing on the cherry bblossom tree in the grounds of my primary school...the place where I last remember feeling truly happy, and truly free. Like a flower...

And so I made a little plan, which I am going to try to adhere to every day, in order to combat my depression and see the light, the joy, the beauty that is present in life and the world. Because oftentimes, it is almost as if I have been blinded,  to all of that, all of which is beautiful and bright and joyful. It is as if I am stumbling around in the dark with a blindfold over my eyes, thats what it often feels like. Lost and scared and alone, and not knowing which way to turn.

And if you like, I will share my little positive plan with you as it might help anyone else out there who is struggling, to help them find the beauty and joy present in their lives, in life itself, too. <3

And remember, that we, every single one of us, is like a flower. You are beautiful and blossoming... And you should let yourself grow, and be free... <3 xxx