I thought it would also be a good idea for me, to keep on writing little previews perhaps once or twice a week, in order to charter my progress and motivate me into keeping my goals! :)
So: last weekend: didn't fare too badly with my goals: varied lunch each day, had my spelt toast and pb, managed to have more than the paltry 2 tsp...not a great deal more, though, so this is something which I might need to continue working on. But I didn't have a scone on Sunday though - this was the one I didn't get done..I had a handful of salted cashews instead :o now I don't think eating nuts is a bad thing at all you understand; quite the opposite..and I am very partial to salted roasted cashews I must say, nommm ;) but. I still think I may keep an eye on this because a big part of me knows why I had the nuts instead of the scone. That was because mam wasn't there at the time...she wasn't there to do it for me or see that I was doing it myself...tschhhh :(
I know, that is so stupid and immature...that I am perfectly capable of getting a scone out of the freezer, defrosting and buttering it, by myself. And that just because there is no one else there to see and "approve" of my having one, that should not, in anyway, influence whether I choose to have one or not. It's just ED making up excuses, again, I suppose. :(
But well, I am going to have to try harder on this one. I know that I can...I have proven it to myself, now. It's one single little twig, of one of those many, many branches...the branches that make up the beautiful, organic, ever growing shoot which is recovery. A shoot which, like all living things, must be nurtured and tended to allow it to bloom.
And so...the Branches of my Recovery..here are my own.
- Stick to my meal plan
- Overcome my fear of being at the normal healthy weight for my body size
- Overcome my fear foods
- Overcome fear of eating out
- Dispense with the anxiety I have at mealtimes.
- Destroy certain obsessive and compulsive behaviours.
- Eradicate the ED type immaturity: no longer depend on others to make sure i am eating properly
- Cleaning bowl and plate still needs working on...I find I am always leaving custard in the dessert bowl. Feel compelled to pick crusts or crumbs off bread and scones. Its done almost unconsciously: I've just done these things for so long, it's habitual to me. But habits can and will be broken...as I have proven to myself over the course of the past few weeks!!
- To make myself some homemade granola, to have for a breakfast cereal now and again with my toast :) Also, weetabix with warm milk is something which I have always loved, but havent had for some time...so I'm going to try and have those this week :)
- Make the wholemeal scones!!! I still haven't got round to doing that :o and to have one for my snack at some point during the week ;)
- To stop trying to push potatoes off my plate... This is abig one for me that I really want to work on. It's like a compulsion at every meal which I have been doing ever since ED got bad again this autumn..ahh!!! But even thinking about it makes me very angry; because I recognise how ridiculous a practice it is, but yet...I also recognise all too well how hard it will be for me to kick it for good. But. I am determined to persevere.
And then, of course, is my decision as regards the meal plan, which I will discuss a little further one of my posts this week.
Like the beautiful little snowdrop, pushing through the rocky soil... <3 xxx