Looking around me now...I guess I've been in this place before.

Regrets. Ok, I guess everyone has them. Some, more than others.

for me though, it feels as if, at times, that my regrets number more than my mermories, my joys, my thoughts themselves. So many ifs and buts and whys. So many tears, so much pain, and agony, and sorrow. And that aching, hollow emptiness clawing deep within my heart, it refuses to go away, and is with me, every day, as I look back on my life so far, and think about all the mistakes I have made.

If only I didn't go back to Trinity...
If only I had taken my loved ones advice...
If only I could be that high achiever that I used to be. But now, I'm just a nobody. Now, I have absolutely nothing.

If only I had nourished my body properly, over the past 9 years...9 years of starving and hurting my body...and now I have the skeleton of an old woman...

                                          And that was the year...the year when it all began...

If only I had got help sooner.
If only I had not surrendered to ED's embrace, that day when it first ame into my life, all those years ago. :'(

It's true. I realise now, that this September, I did make a massive mistake, again. I chose to go back to Trinity. The option of taking another year off-books was there for me: so too, of course, was the option of never going back altogether. Once again, however, I let the Voice get the better of me...my inner critical voice. You should go back. You are a failure if you do not. It would be lazy and wrong to take another year out. Go back to coll. What else is there for you? I have to be a Trinity graduate. I have to. I won't go back on myself. I must. I should I have to - 

College comes before recovery.

because deep down, I knew I was not ready, I knew that I was far, far from recovered. I knew that ED was still part of me; I knew that I was not, after all my struggling, free from the Voice in my Head.

Conversation between me and Ed yesterday.

I need to do this reading now...but first, I must eat my snack...
Don't you dare eat your snack. You dont need it. I mean, look at your stomach, its bloated and full. You only had breakfast two hours ago...you don't need to eat now, at all.
No..I must stick to my meal plan. Leave me alone...
No...you can't eat it...give it an hour and then see...you have to feel hungry to eat...
No...no...no...I need to eat this...I need to do my reading, Please, for Gods sake, just leave me alone.
I won't ever leave you Em. I am part of you and you are part of me.

The result of this dialogue?

Once again, I just sat there for an hour, book open before me, the words as meaningless and as incomprehensible to me as they would be in they be if they were inscribed in Arabic numerals.

And sitting in that library, surrounded by the silent forms of the other students engrossed in their , I felt that horrible, queasy sense of deja vú settle in my stomach. Because looking around me now, I know, I've been in this place before.

Feeling like the dumb, stupid, useless girl.

A little girl lost in a huge, massive, uncaring world.

It's true. Once again, it seems as if I have made a complete and utter mess of college.

But if I can't do college, if I can't pass my degree, if it turns out that I am destined to be the girl who failed.

At least I can say that I tried.
And that if I can't do college, if I can't pass my degree...
 At least I can succeed in my recovery, find the real Emmy.Become the person I want to be, and destroy those feelings of failure, of self-doubt and self-hatred, destroy the Voice which is trying to pull me down, and destroy me.

Only one of us can win this battle.
It's either going to be me, or the Voice.

Happy Advent Everyone!! :) xxx

Yessssss...hard to believe but it is officially advent today...let the countdown to Christmas begin!! ;)

I am currently sitting here drinking my mid-morning hot choc of course ;) I think I remember from my R.E. classes in my secondary school days that advent can be considered a time of new beginnings. Which is I suppose very relevant for me, as I want the next few weeks, months and year to be a time of progress, transition and positive change, for me.

Haven't done anything that Christmassy today though, unfortunately :'( wellllll....Daddy bought Christmas choccies yesterday, so at least that's something? And I bought mincemeat for the mince pies I intend on making next weekend. (It was a HUMONGOUS jar may I add!! ;)

Ganache-Elf's apron will soon be covered in sticky mincemeat as well as chocolate!! ;)

And so, for one of my main goals for Advent in regards to recovery: Stick to my meal plan 100% over the next couple of weeks (I've marked this in me diary sot there will be NO "convenient" forgetting (oh how good ED is good at making us do just that :( !! ) sunday two weeks I am going to have review of everything and I might have to increase the intake again.

At the moment I suppose, it is still a scary thing for me, the thought of having to up my intake even more. I suppose, Considering this time a few weeks ago I suppose, I wasn't eating properly at all, this is hardly a shock to me. Actually picking myself up, acknowledging that I had had an actual relapse and doing everything in my power to get back onto my basic meal plan again was something that required enormous, enormous effort. Every day poses its own challenges; Ed is there, screaming away in my head; making me feel hesitant, uncertain, afraid, and sometimes, just plain terrified. But well, I'm looking at it this way. I know I HAVE to do this - there's no choice in the matter, anymore; it's either going to be me, or ED, who is going to win this battle. I can choose to kil my eating disorder...or I can choose to let it kill me.

Because that, after all, is the sad, terrible, final reality.

Eating disorders can, and do, kill. And even if it hadn't quite got to that point; even it hadn't got so bad that it had literally killed me... I still truly believe, heart and soul, that if I had continued to let ED control me, the real Emmy - the Emmy without her ED - would have been lost, destroyed forever. I would have become a ghost, a shadow of the girl that I should be. For living with an ED is not living; it is hanging otno life by the tiniest, thinnest threads, threads which could snap at any minute to cast you down, helpless and alone to be broken and torn upon the hard, cold rocks.

But I am not going to let this happen...as I can see now, looking back over the past few months...just how much it was killing me, slowly but surely, taking more and more away, bit by bit, piece by piece.

And so, sticking to my meal plan; and possibly upping my intake in the next few weeks.. Yes, it is tough, but...I know I can do it. I will do whatever it takes.

Anyway, today I thought aout some little things I could do to increase my intake, when the time comes:

• The most obvious one: having an snack with my hot choc ;)
• Making the snacks bigger or always going for bigger snacks
• Having bigger bowls of cereal and extra toast at breakfast
• Having a yoghurt/nuts etc with lunch and having the fruit before breakfast instead

For me, breakfast and snacks are the best ways I can improve, as these are the times when I feel the most hungry. ;)

I just wanted to say again, a big thank you for all your supportive, lovely comments on my posts since I started blogging again. I can't express how much this means to me...how much YOU all mean to me. Without you I honestly don't think overcoming my relapse would have been made possible...I can't even begin to thank you enough <3

And the good news is that today I literally SMASHED the first one of my ED goal!! I had a scone and butter with my afternoon hot choc...oh my goodness it was so so delicious <3

I am so, so happy that I managed to do this, as I am a massive scone fan...scone and hot choc was my standard afternoon snack when I used to come home from the hospital at the weekends; Mammy used to to make them for me specially and I was literally converted <3 I made some white ones in September but by then I was sort of falling into the relapse; consequently, I cut them out of my diet. But there will be no more of that kind of carry on, now. From now on, I, not ED, decide what and how much I am going to eat.

And so yes, today was a very good day in terms of fighting the Voice. I've managed to stick to my meal plan completely today, I cleaned my plate/bowl etc, I achieved my "scone" goal , and I defied the Voice when it told to tell me that I was not hungry, that I did not need this, that I should try and throw away some of the food on my plate when noone was looking. I felt...strong, today. I felt in control of everything; and I felt good in nourishing my body and not restricting. It was hard, it was daunting, it was nerve-wracking and scary and I feel as drained now as if I had spent the whole day jumping through hurdles but...I feel proud of what I have achieved. I know that I am getting stronger, and that I have found my feet again in path which leads to freedom.

So make today, the first day of Advent your new beginning. It's never, ever too late to change. Have courage, steel that determination, and stay strong. There is nothing to stop you from doing anything...least of all the Voice of a murderer, a thief, a destroyer...that is, ED. Make today the day you choose to change...the day you choose to fight for your freedom, for your life. <3 xxx

Food for Thought... xxx

So a few weeks into my grand ole' blogging revival (if you wish to call it that ;) ), and so I thought it was time for me to reflect a little on how things are going for me in turns of fighting the ED voice and sticking to my meal plan.

And so, the big question is, of course - how exactly am I getting on with it. And, thanks to the care, support, encouragement and advice of you, my readers (I've said it once, but Im going to say it again.. ( and again and again and again, later on, probably, so apologies if it does get a bit repetitive, but truly, i really do mean it...just thank you, thank you, thank you...you are all just so amazing and you have my eternal gratitude and love <3.) and of my supportive friends and loved ones...I'm happy enough with how I am progressing, at the moment anyway. There's a been a few hiccups, of course - as is usually the case with me, nothing is ever as perfect as I would like it to be. But I still feel as if I could do more, though. That I could push myself that little bit harder. It's an ongoing, furious battle between ED and me: and to say that it is me who always emerges as the victor would be a lie, as this is not always, always the case. The other day, for example, I didn't have my morning snack. I had an absolutely mad morning at college, and what with going to the seminars and running for the train and everything else...the Voice convinced me that I didn't have time to stop for a few minutes and eat my snack..

Over the past few weeks I I haven't been checking the weight either...I suppose this is something which I need to start doing, again. :( it's going to be hard - God knows that I absolutely hate standing on that detestable instrument of torture - but I know it is sort of necessary...just so I can keep an eye on it, monitor it I suppose until I get it bback to where it should be. My relationship with the scales has always been a bit problematic, to say the least. I transverse between phases, as far as my weight and the scales are concerned;the former of which would involve a studious avoidance, and complete distancing from, all awareness of the actual number. In the throes of the latter, on the other hand, I would usually find myself, on a pretty much daily basis, hopping on and off, on and off the darned thing that sits like some sort of grotesque, all-powerful, omnipotent silver robot in the bathroom upstairs; staring, each time, at the digits which would appear above my feet - digits which would thus be ascribed on my memory for the remainder of the day; repeating themselves over and over and over again, driving me almost to distraction as they echo mockingly through my head. So yes, it's true to say that I frequently negotiate between the two extremes. For me, as is for so many others, I am sure, the happy medium always seems so unreachable and unattainable.

Anyway. I am working on it, and I will keep on working on it. I don't want to live my life in fear of the number. I mean...it's a number!! And I do not need a skinny identity to be happy...no matter what that b**** of a Voice says. 

so here are my Goals for the Week :) - 

• Have a scone with hot choc for afternoon snack on Sunday
• Have 2 tsp of peanut butter on my toast instead of 1
• Clean my pudding bowl and my dinner plate every night from now on
• stick to meal plan 100 %
• Have egg mayo in my roll on Tuesday

I am going to see how this week goes anyway and then based on that I might try and increase my intake again soon, depending on how I get on.

Anyway: here is the plan for tomorrow: and by writing it on here, I know that I WILL stick to it, one hundred and fifty percent. <3 xxx

Hot choc + marshmallows with Lizzy...the chocolate snowflake on top really made my day <3

Breakfast: Multigrain toast + 2 tsp peanut butter
                  Bowl of malt wheats + milk

Mid-morning Hot choc <3

Lunch Brown seeded roll, cherry tomatoes, cheddar cheese
           Green apple

Afternoon snack Hot choc <3
                              Blackberry scone and spread

Dinner Salmon, roast potatoes and vegetables
             Banana, custard, and bbar's worth of chopped Milka Oreo. <3

Bedtime Hot choc <3

Thank you so, so much for staying with me. Your comments and advice and emails, and everything else; even for just taking the time to read my blog. It really does mean the World to me. I could never have gotten back up again without your help and I just want you all to know how important you are to me. <3 xxx

This time, I won't forget...

All those months ago, way back in March, on that day when I was finally allowed to leave that secluded, detached, imprisoning walls of the eating disorder ward...I felt a palpable, unfamailar sensation pulsating through every vein in my body; an adrenaline, sweet even in the fury of its rush; beautiful, even in its striking unfamiliarity: it was nothin, nothing like I had ever experienced before. I felt as if...as if I had overcome the battle. A Battle which had been so long, so hard, so excruciatingly painful; a battle through which I had shed countless tears; which had cost me, and my loved ones, untellable amounts of hurt and heartache and suffering; blow upon blow falling upon us like the pitiless waves of a maddened stormy sea, crashing against the trembling creatures of the rockpools, tearing and destroying everything in their wake.

I have overcome the Battle, I had thought. I felt like a bell: my whole body was ringing, vibrating, resonating with an unquenchable, indescribable, irresistable, overwhelming sense of pure, vibrant, joy.

But then the days passed and the winds changed...

And I allowed myself to forget....

forget everything which I had overcome, everything which I had been fighting for. Everything which ED had taken from me, everything that it could still take from me...if I did not continue to fight it, fight it with every single bone in my body.

I allowed myself to forget...and then, before I knew it, ED had jumped in, having taken its opportunity when I was at my most vulnerable, and suddenly, my joy was shattered. That feeling of pure happiness seemed as distant and as unreachable as the moon. It seemed as if I had never achieved anything, had overcome, anything. It was as if nothing had ever changed.

But now I realise that I was wrong...and that, no matter how many times I fall down, I can pick myself up again, and carry on with my head held high.

For a stumble in the road does not mark the end of the journey. 

And though there were storm clouds blocking out my horizon,

The winds of change are blowing again, blowing away those clouds.

And in their place I can clearly see, my own glowing, twinkly little stars. :) xxx

And so today I thought I would write this little post, to remind myself of the things that I once forgot, which ED made me forget.

But not this time, Ed.

This Time, I will not Forget. <3 xxx

• That this is my body...my body, the only one that I have and will ever have. But for the past nine years, I have relentlessly abused and mistreated the most valuable and priceless of all of my possessions;  depriving it of its most basic and most fundamental of its needs, mercilessly pushing it to the very brink of exhaustion. And never once did it occur to me to stop and contemplate just how much damage I was causing my body...

Don't forget...Your body is irreplaceable. It will do everything in its power to take care of you, to protect you and keep you safe, functioning, alive. But like all animate things, there is only so much that the human body can take.

I won't forget this time...that every day I spend restricting, every day I spend overexercising, every day which I spend, giving in to Ed, ignoring my body's signals and forcing myself to go hungry...that I am just wasting yet another day of my life, sacrificing it to the cruel voice of Ed. Causing my body even more damage...damage which my body, having been already endured so much abuse for so many, many years, might well not be able to repair, this time...

I won't forget...that if I do not make that change, maintain that change, and learn to take proper care of my body, then there might come a time when it is too late. I will hit rock bottom and then I will realise; realise that every minute of every hour of every day, I should have given recovery all that I had...but then, it will be too late.

So now is the time to stop allowing myself to forget...what truly matters. To stop putting recovery aside; to stop complying with the demands and dictations of theVoice. To never, ever forget the importance of caring for my body, right here, right now. I cannot afford to waste a single day more.

• Thistime, I will not forget...

 That yes, I do have serious osteoporosis. Not just for a day, a week or maybe even a year: no, I have it for life. And that if I do not make that change now, my osteoporosis will only deteriorate ever further: my already weak, brittle, delicate bones will suffer enormously, as a result. I don't like to think of what that will mean for me. All I know is, that I cannot forget that this might well be my final chance. We stop taking calcium into our bones when we reach our thirties, so I have been told. And so, the next few years will be, for me, pivotal in striving to improve my bones. Which is exactly why I must never allow myself forget the importance of maintaining my recovery, and of nourishing my body and giving by bones the best possible chance of strengthening themselves while they still can.

• I won't forget, that now I have the best possible chance of helping my metabolism to recover, if I stay strong and continue to eat well and frequently thoughout the day.

• I won't what I have put my loved ones through. I won't ever forget their unconditional, unflatering love for me, despite all the pain and the sorrow and the heartache. I won't allow myself to forget just how much they have done for me...and how much pride, and joy, it would bbring them to see me happy and healthy.

• I won't forget how fleeting, how valaule, how precious life really is. I won't forget that this is my nly ever chance at life...that tomorrow ould be my last. And that if I chose to remain with Ed, then There is nothing left for me in that place, but pain and and depression unhappiness. I must leave that place behind, walk towards that beautiful yet unknown horizon. <3 xxx

You can't put a price on what truly matters...

Hi everyone !!! <3

Yep, it's time for another one of those wee updates.. :o

I do apologise profusely for the lack of blogging since Thursday :'( bbut unfortunately, the cause of this was completely out of my hands. I have had NO INTERNET since Friday morning hence, blogging came to a standstill, sniff!! Anyway, I'm back in the land of the Connected now, so normal blogging wil resume veryyyy soon <3

And this gave me a chance, I suppose, to have a wee think myself, about how my blogging journey, and that of my recovery, was going to go on from here.

I sort of have come to realise something, though. It's something which is very hard for me to accept, and as usual, there is that little inner voice calling me a failure, that I am weak, that I am absolutely useless in every single possible way, and that I am not worth recovery...BUT...well I am going to be strong now, and resist that voice and shove it ruthlessly away. No...I am not a failure...we need to realise that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of strength.

Ever since I left the hospital, that day back in March, my Mam, and all my loved ones, strove to urge me to seek therapy. "You will slip back, Emmy," Mam had warned me bback then. I could see the glistening of concern in those beautiful, soft green eyes. "You will slip back. If you don't get help, in order to maintain all the hard work you've done, in there. So you will be able to beat this thing for good." Eyes filled with both love, and fear. Fear that I would slip back...but back then, I had refused to believe that that was even a possibility...

My fear of being put back in Pats, will keep me from falling, Mam, I had said. i don't want to cost you anymore money.

That had always been a stickler, with me. Deep inside me, there is a vast and overwhelming sense of guilt, a guilt for what i have put my family through, of all the money I have cost them through my illness. And no matter how many times mam and dad would tell me, to stop worrying aout the money... somehow, somehow i have never, ever managed to kick that guilt away. it's still there now, as I sit writing to you....

But this weekend I realised something. That by refusing to go to therapy on the basis that it will cost mam and dad too much money, is actually not, by any means, the way I should be thinking about this.

At the moment, my motivation and determination to defeat ED have been both restored and renewed. But of course, though I hate to admit it to myself, there might come a time when things get rough again, that I might receive a buffet to the head which will send me topling over again and unable to pick myself up. And I don't want that to happen...and I know, that in order to completely and utterly change my mindset, so I really can become that happy, smiling, rosy-cheeked girlee with sunlight in her eyes and the spriteliness of a dancer in her toes...then I need to complete, the seemingly impossible task, of completely and utterly driving out every single trace of that ED...

And therapy will give me the best possible chance of doing just that.

I know that nothing else in the world will make mam and dad more happy, more proud, to see their daughter fully recovered...and that happiness and joy, and physical and mental well-being..you can't put a price on that. <3 xxx

I can do this for you Mam... <3 xxx

Likes, dislikes and goals!!! :D

When was the last time I did a blog challenge?? Like a MILLENIUM ago it seems!!! :o  This one is from the blog of a girl who has a very special place in my heart and who remains one of my truest inspirations. Check out her own post HERE :) <3 xxx

7 things I like...

• Walking on a frosty winter's morning, when all the spider webs are pearllike with dew drops and the leaves are all crunchy and crisp beneath your feet. <3
• Going to the beach, the zoo, the mountains...a random trip anywhere sounds good to me. ;)
• Going for a hot choc and a catch up with a good friend <3
• Medieval stuff. Castles, old creepy dungeons, Lancelot, you name it - if it's medieval then I wanna hear about it. ;)
• Making bread. Especially the kneading part and then when it's in the oven and that divine smell is wafting through the house...mmmmm
• Christmas!!! The smell of the Christmas tree, the twinkly lights in the shop windows, buying and receiving presents, the annoying ads on the tv...awwwww sorry but yea I love christmas.
• Hugs, getting letters in the post, receiving a cute message...just those little things in life which make me feel loved and safe.

6 things I don't like...

• being too hot..makes me feel queasy and sticky, ugh.
• days when it just rains and rains and RAINS and you can't go outside at all!!
• being on my own for long periods of time :'(
• when people walk really slowly in front of you in the sreet and you can't get past...arghhhh!!! ;)
• don't laugh but..sleeping in... yep, i hate it..i think its such a waste of a day!! call me weird but anyways!!! ;)
• 
  

5 things that make me happy!! :)

• When someone makes me a hot choc.... awww <3
• Having my cat nestled in my lap <3
• getting comments on my blog and hearing from my special readers <3
• baking something special for someone and seeing the delight and surprise on their faces when they receive their gitft.
• riding rollercoasters and screaming myself silly at the very top!! ;)

4 things I want to do...

• Travel the world of course ;) and meet all my AMAZING blogging friends along the way!!
• Start volunteering and making a difference in my community.
• Go to Disneyland Orlando <3 omgggg
• Have my own baking business!! A little cafe would be nice, with a duck pond outside and cute little tables covered in checkerboard tablecloths.

3 goals...

• Stick to my meal plan every day and to NEVER give in to ED voice :D 
• To complete Morokia (my medieval fantasy story): all three books!! I have a story that I think needs to be heard ;)
• To blog at least every two days..not only do I love blogging, I know now that it has such a positive influene on my own recovery and that by doing so I can reach out to others and help them in their journey too. <3

2 things I want to achieve.

• Realising that I am worth recovery and that I deserve to be happy and healthy.
• Fully recover from ED, leave all trace of it behind. To find the real Emmy, who is happy, free and healthy. To make up to my loved ones for everything I have put them through with my illness and to make them happy and proud.

1 favourite Quote...

Every day is a new beginning.

Treat it that way.

Stay away from what could have been and start looking at what could be. 

if nothing changed there would be no butterflies. <3 xxx

The Eye of the Storm...

10 past 5, sunday evening, and I'm sitting at the table here at home. The wind howls eerily around the walls of the house, rattling the weighed-down lids of the wheelie bins outside the garage and causing the limbs of the eucalyptus to shudder and sway as if shaken by some great giant's hand, tough-skinned branches still adorned with the leathery grey leaves despite the onset of winter's chill as November tightens her icy fingers over the landscape. Some of the leaves are lost, however, prised off by those cruel, pitiless fingers to be cast away into the depthless darkness of the night.

And I realise now, if I had let - if I let ED have its way - then I could have been could be lost, too. Cast away into the darkness, having lost my grip onto the branches...the branches which make up the tree, the tree which made up of all the many, inter-twined little branches of my life.

Looking out my bedroom window, over the garden where my heart is at home. <3 

The past few months, it's true...I let recovery fall by the wayside. Those long, idyllic, sun-soaked days of summer were over. I was back at college, and the reality of that was slowly beginning creep up on me, as sharp and as stinging as a slap to the face. I was desperate to prove to myself that I could do this, that I could be a Trinity student, that I could make Mam and Dad proud of me and succeed in a course which I possessed no love or passion for.

And of course, just as I had initially feared, everything was beginning to crumble up again, before my very eyes.

But I was stubborn, in my own little way, turning my face away from that second, but no less harsh, other reality: as painful as the wound which has been ripped open before it has properly healed, as bitter as burning acid upon a parched tongue. The reality being, of course, that I was falling, and falling, hard. That reality was as harsh and as painful, as that which I first encountered in September, when the fairytale of that beautiful summer finally drew to its inevitable close. The two of them crowded amongst themselves within my head, bludgeoning and pulsating through my blood with a terrible, insistent, deadly beat. In a way, they had both merged into one: two realities, two voices... You are a failure, Em. There is nothing left for you but to become the skinny girl. Noone will care if you live or die. I am useless. What the hell are you doing in Trinity? How did I get here? Why...why do I exist?

I just want it all to...to end.

But over the weekend...sitting at my kitchen table, listening to the wind outside. Surrounded by those who I love, and who I know will never give up on me...made me think, made me realise...realise what really, really matters.

And I know...I know that I am never going to be an achiever. That Emmy has long gone. The girl who got the best grades, who had such high aspirations for something...something more. No. That's not me anymore...and it breaks my heart every day, to think of how much I have changed; of how I have lost, that ability to study, to dedicate myself to my study, to be the girl who succeeded.

But I realise...I realise now that I was wrong, so wrong, to put my recovery aside, to put Trinity before my recovery. The way my ED works, I suppose, is that through restriction, my brain was enabled to assume a sort of "calm" of sorts I suppose: a calm brought about by the assurance that I had not eaten enough, that it's ok, Em (ED), you are not going to gain any weight today. You can be at your ease. That Voice. That horrible, malicious, cruel, cruel voice. And when I would make any weak, desperate attempts to resist that voice and nourish myself...thn the voice would...explode. that's the best way I can describe it. Like a storm in my head. Again, I know this might not make much sense to people...it doesn't really make much sense to me. All I know is, I was desperate, so, so desperate, to calm that storm and get back my focus. I have to. I have to restrict! What other chance do I have? I have to get back to that studious Emmy! This is the only way!

But no. I was..I was wrong, so wrong.

I know I have to face the storm...

But I know that I can overcome it, and battle my way through the rain.

And this time, I will not let those winds carry me away.

I will be like my eucalyptus trees...the winter may come and the storms will rage around me. But they will not knock me down or take any more of me away. I will stand tall, and brave, and find my inner strength. Like those beautiful, endurant, brave grey trees, I know that I can be strong. <3 xxx

Remember.
There will always be another chance, to go back to work, to take up that course, to go back to college.
But there will only ever be one chance at life.
Each and every one of us, will only ever have, one body.
So let's stand strong together against the storm. <3 xxx