The TRIPLE decker!!! :)

Ahem....yes, this was SUPPOSED to be that holly leaf sponge which I was crowing about making in my Christmas baking post. Well...I do have a good explanation for why I ended up rustling it these gi-normous cake concoction instead of my intended project.Yesterday it was raining so hard that even creeping outside to the little holly tree growing on the lane was an exertion which just required too much effort for the pyjama-wearing Ganache-Elf. Typical Irish Christmas...rain instead of snow. :p

I PROMISE I will get onto the holly-leaf sponge - or something slightly reminiscent of that - in good time!! But as is often the case with my unintended creations....was I banging myself on the head with my wooden spoon in frustration as I regarded my result? Certainly not. ;)

This is another take on my biscuit cake sponge (click HERE for the recipe ;) )....though there are a few changes and little differences. The most obvious one though has to be the size of this more recent creation of mine. It's a three layer MONSTER of a cake sandwiched together with lots of - wait for it - not ganache but a chocolatey, scrummy buttercream instead. Also, I sneaked a few chocolate digestives into the biscuit cake for even more naughty chocolatiness. ;)

For the fluffy chocolate sponge. :)

• 225 g margarine/butter, softened
• 225 g caster sugar
• 200 g self-raising flour
• 25g cocoa powder
• 4 large eggs
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1-3 tbsp full-fat milk

For the biscuit cake. :)

• 150 g digestive biscuits
• 75 g milk chocolate digestive biscuits
• 3 tbsp golden syrup
• 150 g plain chocolate, chopped
• 150 g butter/margarine, cubed
• 25 g maltesers

For the creamy chocolate buttercream :)

• 150 g butter, cubed
• 350 g icing sugar
• 2 tbsp cocoa powder
• 2-4 tbsp single cream/milk

Method :)

1. Make the sponge first: preheat the oven to 180 c/fan oven 160 c. Grease two 20 cm sandwich tins and line the bases with baking paper.
2. measure the butter/margarine into a large bowl and beat with an electric mixer until very soft.
3. Add the eggs, the caster sugar, the flour, the baking powder to the softened butter and then sieve in the cocoa. Mix well with an electric mixer for about 2 minutes; before pausing the mixer and scaping down the sides of the bowl with a large metal spoon. Resume mixing for another minute until smooth and well-blended.  
4. Spoon up some of the batter and let it fall back into the bowl to check it is of a nice, soft, dropping consistency. Add 1 - 3 tbsp of milk, a tbsp at a time, if it seems a little on the thick side. 
5. Divide the batter equally amongst the two tins and smooth the surface with the back of a spoon.
6. Bake for 25 – 30 minutes in the preheated oven until the sponges are well-risen and spring back beneath the fingertip when pressed gently on the top. If an indent is left when you do this, bake for a few minutes more before testing again.
7. Leave in the tin for a few minutes before turning out onto a wire rack, peeling off the paper and leaving to cool.

1. Next make the biscuit cake: take one of the very same cake tin that you used for your sponge and line this well with cling film. Crush the digestives  in a freezer bag with a rolling pin.
2. Put the plain chocolate, the butter, and the golden syrup into a large saucepan, using a heated spoon to measure out the syrup as this makes it easier to handle.
3. Melt the contents of the pan over a very gentle heat, stirring occasionally until melted and smooth, and then remove from the heat.
4. Cool a little before stirring in the biscuit crumbs, and then mix in the maltesers. Transfer to the prepared tin and refrigerate until set.

1. Now it's time to assemble your gorgeous cake. :) Place one of the cooled sponges on a plate. 
2. Make the chocolate buttercream by beating the 150 g butter with a wooden spoon or electirc mixer. Then sift in the icing sugar and the cocoa powder. Add the tablespoons of cream as required and continue to beat until you have a nice spreadable icing.
3. Spread a little buttercream over the top of the sponge on the plate. Remove the biscuit cake from the tin, and then place it on top of the sponge.
4. Cover the top of the biscuit cake with another layer of buttercream, and then place the other sponge on top of it.
5. And then FINALLY....one more layer of buttercream!! :) And use any reserve buttercream to decorate your cake: As you can see from the pic, I piped little swirls on the top of my cake using an icing bag fitted with a fluted nozzle, and also piped around the edges and sides. :)

Sure...this is normal eating...there's nothing wrong with me.

There was a time, of course, when I didn't have the faintest inkling what the word anorexia actually meant. When I didn't even know what an eating disorder was...when I, in the naive innocence of my childhood, never even considered that a person, for whatever reason, would consciously starve his or herself.
 And I certainly didn't suspect that one of those people would be me.

 The first time I ever heard of such terms was probably in first year of secondary school, too. We didn't go into that much detail about eating disorders in our lessons..again, as I have mentioned before, the focus seemed to be on obesity and the dangers of being overweight. But I do remember one day our science teacher offered a perspective on the other end of the scale, concentrating on the health risks associated with being too skinny rather than the other way round. He criticised the stick-thin models which pouted out from the pages of all the famous fashion megazines, and appealed to us to refrain from even considering starving ourselevs in order to achieve such a dangerously low weight and fragile, waith-like frame.
 I had stared, with a rather nauseous feeling in my stomach, at one particular awful photo of a model with legs like bamboo shoots and a waist so tiny it seemed she would have been able to encircle it, without difficulty, with her bony, long-fingered hands. That's just...awful, I had thought, sadly, pitifully, sypathetically.... That poor, poor girl. She must have that diesease that Sir has just been prattling on about...the anorexia. Eating disorder. Well, I know I am thinner than I once was, but there is no way  I will ever end up like that.

I'm just normal, after all. A normal, boring, average girl. And there's nothing wrong with me.

These were my thoughts...these were the thoughts of girl who, at that time, was instinctively practising the following habits on a daily basis,under the pretension that they all just part of normal, healthy eating.

• Eating a half, or less, of everything - half of the chocolate bar that I "dared" to have; half of the little patisserie Mam bought me as a treat; half of the little roll I had made for my packed lunch...the other half would be returned, uneaten, to my bag. Maybe it would be eaten later, but it was more likely it would end up being thrown away or put out for the birds to eat once I got home. 
• Pretending, lying about what I had eaten. I would move things around in the cupbaord so it appeared I had been rustling in there for chocolate or bread or whatever, though in reality I had had nothing. Purposely pretending I was busy when the rest of the family would have lunch or breakfast together - though really I was just hiding away in my room doing nothing, anxiously waiting for them to finish eating so that I could scuttle quietly down a few minutes later when they had all dispersed. Then I would make myself a "lunch" of sorts...if you could call it that. Maybe a slice of dry bread and a tiny scrap of ham, an apple, a tiny roll, a bowl of cereal. 
• I became painfully, ridiculously minimalist...with everything. When making sandwiches, whereas I would be generous with everyone else's and ad plenty of filling and spread and so forth...mine were the exact opposite. Often I would leave the bread dry. If would put in a few tomatoes and then a thin strip of ham, strategically placing it along the edges of the sandwich so it would be peeking out, and it looked as if I had the same as everyone else. When I served myself at dinner...I would aim for a very, very small portion. Mam would often notice and urge me to have more - a prompt that would often result in me being silent and anxious for the rest of the evening.
• I pretended I didn't like certain foods. Even ones which I had formally loved, like chips and cakes and chocolate...well, suddenly and impulsively, one day I decided I was not and could not eat them. There were other foods which I hadn't tried or tasted in a long time, but which I claimed that I didn't like, having sampled them once before -  "when?" - "oh, when you weren't looking".
• Never once letting the sentence "i'm hungry!" or "mmm, that looks lovely..." escape my lips. Why? Because then, I thought, people might expect me to eat more than the small amount I permitted myself to have...and there was no way I was going to do that.

I was one of those people who misunderstood what the term eating disorder actually connotates.
because to me, because I never purged or vomited, because I always ate every day and never went through a one single day without eating, I was convinced that I was normal.

I now know all too well just how wrong I was.

Let the Christmas baking begin!!! :) Mince pies!!!

Hi everyone!! :) This post will have to be a quickee today...the reason for this being that the industriousness of Ganache-Elf in her kitchen today could indeed be equated to Santa's little helpers in Lapland. ;)

And of course I absolutely had to start off my repertoire of seasonal baking with something which would mean that my apron was at risk of being stained with something a litte different than its more usual suspects, chocolate or cocoa, namely. (But rest assured, of course...Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without chocolate, right. And I don't mean just in advent calendars and such like...somehow, I am going to get it into my festive baking as well. ;) This being sticky, fruity mincemeat: notorious for making a mess of Mammy's oven, but with an equally notorious reputation for being so utterly irresistible when enclosed within a casing of buttery, sweet, golden homemade shortcrust pastry...

Now as you might already know, I'm always a little more cautious when it comes to making SHORTCRUST pastry. Which is funny I know as for alot of bakers this is the easier pastry to make. But I get on alot better with choux. Anyway, my point is that the mince pies I made above AREN'T my own recipe so I wouldn't feel right in sharing it, sorry everyone :o but who knows, maybe next time I will formulate my own unique recipe and I won't hesitate to let you in on that one ;)

Now, before I sign off to enjoy my hot choc, my mince pie and my advent calendar chocolate and put my feet up after such a busy day in the kitchen ... I thought I would just give you a quick sneak-peek into what I might be baking in the next few weeks. ;)

• Festive shortbread
• Holly Leaf Gateau
• Christmassy cookies!!
• The Biggest Chocolate Log EVER...
• Snowmen Cupcakes
•  Chocolate Biscuit Truffles
• Snowy Brownies

Anyway, snow more blogging for tonight - I promise a more engaging post tomorrow ;) Happy Christmas everyone!! <3 :) xxxxxx

Granny's Lemon Cake :) With a gorgeous topping that's as crunchy and crisp as a frosty Christmas morning! ;)

Another recipe I dedicate to my wonderful granny <3 Lemon cake is, unarguably, one of her favourites - I don't think I have ever known her to decline a slice, even though sometimes she sets me the rather difficult task of cutting the "teeniest" piece - which is not, believe me, easy!! :p

Never fear, I am most certainly going to post some Christmassy recipes this week and next week - how could I call myself the Ganache-Elf if I didn't do so?? ;) - but as the title of this post suggests, this cake certainly has a wintry kind of touch to it. Even more so when you bake it on a cold December afternoon, so that you can enjoy it with a hot mug of tea sitting by a roaring log fire with the fairy lights twinkling and those Christmas tunes that you've heard about a hundred times at this stage floating gaily from the radio. <3

Ahh...for me, Christmas sure is about memories and ritual, loved ones coming together, chocolate overdose (especially this year..Ganache-Elf is most certainly going to release her inner chocaholic ;) ), and, of course, baking. At this magical time of year, many of us like to make that extra bit of effort and take some time to prepare something truly special in their very own kitchen. And alongside the roast turkey and the ham and the brussel sprouts...we have all those delicious, utterly irresistible baked delights. Mince pies, shortbread and Christmas biscuits, the Yule log, Christmas cake and Christmas pudding. Would you agree with me in saying that Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without baking? ;) 

And of course, Christmas has another significance for me in regard to baking. For it was in Christmas 2008 that my baking journey truly began in earnest. The culinary endeavours that took place within the Snelgrove household that particular December were what first inspired me to explore the world of baking for myself.

But anyway, onto how to make this truly scrumptious, exceedingly lemony sponge. It's as light as a feather and beautifully moist, and only takes a little time to put together and bake. Try to use a fresh juicy lemon for this recipe - if your lemon isn't very juicy you might need to squeeze half of another one. :)

• 125 g margarine, softened
• 180 g golden/white caster sugar
• 175 g self-raising flour
• 2 large eggs
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 4 tbsp full-fat milk
• 1 large lemon
• 125 g granulated sugar

1. Grease a 7 inch/18 cm deep round cake tin and line the base with a piece of baking paper. 
2. Finely grate the zest off the lemon and squeeze out the juice.
3. preheat the oven to 180 c/160 c.
4. Soften the margarine in a bowl with an electric mixer and then add the caster sugar, the eggs, the flour, the baking powder and the milk. 
5. Whisk for about 2 minutes until smooth and well-blended, then stop the mixer and scrape down the sides of the bowl with a spatula, before resuming mixing for another minute.
6. Fold in the lemon zest with a large metal spoon. Transfer the cake batter into the prepared cake tin.
7. Bake for about 35 - 40 minutes, until well risen, golden, and cooked. Test by inserting a skewer into the centre of the cake - it should come out clean and not sticky with wet cake batter.
8. When the cake is almost cooked, make the topping: mix the granulated sugar with the lemon juice in a bowl. When you remove the cake from the oven, make a couple of little holes in the top with a skewer (if you haven't done so already when you tested it :) ), and then pour over the sugary topping. 
9. Leave to cool in the tin, then when it's completely cold remove from the tin and place on a plate. 
10. Eat on its own with a fork or maybe even have some for pudding with cream or warm custard... <3 simple, but exquisite. Lemon cake has to be one of those classics which will never go out of fashion. :)

In September 2006, a little girl became sick.

September 2006.

That's the month I started secondary school.

That's the month when it all began.

That's the month when a small, blonde-haired, shy, quiet twelve-year-old girl entered a world entirely different from the one she once knew. Her relationship with food was, from that point onwards, altered forever; as was her own attitudes to her own body and her diet. And then, of course, her mind became sick...sick with the mental illness that we all term as an eating disorder. That girl, of course, was me.

I thought about this alot over the past few days...and I think these are a few of the things that triggered my eating disorder...which allowed those tiny, but destructive seeds to be sown in my mind, which would grow and strengthen as time passed, blocking out the light of all the goodness, forcing all my other thoughts, motives, and emotions to bend into submission to its heartless, cruel, merciless demands. And just like that big weed in the garden which chokes the life out of its victims struggling to grow alongside it...so too did my ED consume and suffocate me, my enjoyment of life, every chance I had at happiness.

When I went to secondary school...it was like I became super-conscious of myself, the people around me, what they were eating, what I was eating, what the media and dr this and professor that said you should and should not eat. 

One distinct memory I have...was sitting in home economics class and learning about the food pyramid, diets, healthy eating and so forth. As I sat there alone a strange, unpleasant feeling of unease began to creep up my spine and the words of my teacher who was reading out loud to us became faint and muffled in my ears as I became absorbed in anxious thought. Oh...God... I don't eat like that. I eat so unhealthily...I'm going to become like...like that. The obese lady  in the photo at the bottom of the page stared out at me sadly, as if to say, in joint sympathy, I know, I know, darling. I know what it is like to feel bigger than everyone else.

Suddenly, everyone - my classmates, the senior girls above me, even my own sister. Suddenly they all became, in my head, slimmer than me. Suddenly I was the chubby, ugly one,  who stuck out like a sore thumb in a crowd of elegant, attractive, and of course slim girls. Another sharp memory I had was getting off the bus with my sister one Monday. Liz saw one of her friends and quickened her step in order to catch up with her, leaving me trailing behind at a short distance. But this wasn't what disconcerted me. I couldn't tear my eyes away from Liz's legs. Look at Liz...she is so slim...her legs are like matchsticks compared to mine! Which wasn't true, of course.

I was convinced that I was unhealthy. That my diet - which was pretty much the same as to what I ate in primary school - was one which needed to be modified, drastically. One day - I can't remember exactly when - I decided that enough was enough. I had to, and was going to, change...everything.

Something was going to have to give.

Izzy's 5 positive things challenge!! :) Day 5! :)

Today I am going to share with you 5 of my goals.

I know from experience...when you become sick with an eating disorder, you become detached from real life in many ways; as everything you think and do is, really, centred around food. Your whole life, your daily routines, your plans for the future...for me anyway, all of these were constructed around the habits and behaviour practices established by my eating disorder. I would plan my day around restriction and false appearances and exercise. I never really thought about the future much because my head was always so preoccupied with thoughts of what I would continue to do in order to maintain my low weight and eradicate any chances of weight gain.

Instead of waking up on any particular morning when I was sick and thinking, say, "I'm going to aim today to get lots of study done, and then I'll have plenty of free time at the weekend to spend with my family." or maybe: "this week I'm going to try and get some research into what career choices I might have an interest in." ...instead of that sort of thing, my first immediate thought on awaking would be one of anxiety and apprehension. What would I do today to ensure I would eat as little as possible? Would someone pick up on what I was doing...would my secret be blown?

But now I see the error of my ways...now I clearly see and acknowledge just how much these ED thoughts dominated my mindset and essentially prevented me from allowing myself to dream, to have goals that I would love to achieve.

1. To recover. To be completely and wholly free from my ED. To be able to enjoy food again and to eat the foods I love without guilt or anxiety. 
2. To enter both the Irish and British Bake-Offs and make it onto TV (hahaha... well a girl is allowed to dream. ;)
3. To travel, to see the world...to go to all the places I have read of or heard about and experience them for myself...to be able to walk upon the sands of the Sahara and feel the grains between my toes. To be able to climb the rocky expanses of the Scottish highlands and gaze at the beautiful, desolate wildness of the landscape all about me. To scramble amongst the ruins of the Pantheon and wade in the waters of the Pacific. 
4. To be able to walk again. To hike and climb mountains and explore all those spectacular natural gems of my home country and beyond.
5. To have my own bakery...with me as the head baker of course. ;)

Izzy's 5 positive things challenge!!! :) Day 4

Day 4....ahh, yes. The tricky one...for me anyway. The list today involves 5 things you like about yourself appearance wise. This was a difficult thing for me to write.
 For since my ED first developed all those years ago...the relationship I have had with my own body has been far from ideal.
 Almost every day when I was in the control of my ED, I would awake and look in the mirror and hate what I saw. Hating, but being too scared the change. Hating, but not realising that if I just faced my fears and made that decision to take that step...that I would look miles, miles better. But no. My ED told me that if you put on weight, you will look even more repellent than you already are...

But now, as I stand at this crucial moment of recovery, I need to recognise that I am not ugly, I am not fat, I do not look as awful as my ED always told me that I was.

No... I know that I can be pretty. All I need to do now is gain the weight I need. And then let the inner beauty hidden within begin to shine. :)

And this should apply for EVERYONE. Human beings are beautiful creatures.
And though I know how enormously difficult it is...I believe we must all strive to accept and love our bodies.

So if you have just 5 minutes today...(or even less than that ;) ) - take the time to smile in the mirror and see your body as it really is. The human body is AMAZING...have you ever stopped to consider that? Think about it....the tens of thousands of miniscule cells that make up this one incredible, complex, and beautiful organism that is YOU.

You are beautiful. Just open your eyes and see it and realise it. :)

And then maybe make a list (and don't feel like you have to stop at 5!!! ) like mine below. :)

1. My hair. I've always had it relatively long - in my school days up till I was 18 I had it hip length :o but then I cut it to my shoulder and it's grown back. A few people have asked me is that its natural colour. It is. I love the way it curls slightly after I wash it and the blonde highlights I get in it in the summertime. :)
2. My smile. :) I try to smile as much as I can. Just one smile, I believe, is such a beautiful little thing on anyone's face. 
3. My neck. 
4. My eyelashes - they are actually quite long for such a small person. :p
5. My eyes. I've been told they are kind and sincere. :) I sort of would have liked to have green eyes like my Mam, but I have my Daddy's blue-grey ones. But I like them anyway. :)