At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Thursday, 22 January 2015

Izzy's Positive Recovery Challenge! :) Day 3!!

I think it's a great idea when you are in recovery, to set little targets or goals each week...this way, you can ensure you make some sort of progress from week to week - no matter how small that progress may be; it's still progress, remember that! ;) - and will enable you to become stronger, and your ED weaker, just by taking things one little step at a time.

And it makes me both proud and happy to say that, since May 2014, I have climbed many, many of those steps already. I've learnt to swallow my anxiety and try out many of the foods which at one time I would never even have dreamt of touching, let alone eating. I conquered my obsession with excessive exercising, I made myself eat snacks with my hot chocolate, despite the fact that, at one time, I would have seen those two things as a meal in itself. This, and so, so much more...but I know I still have many more goals which I need to achieve before I can open my arms and embrace the wonderful, glorious victory which is full recovery.

For once we've started climbing this steep, tall, rocky mountain which is recovery, we can't just stop halfway up that slippery, precarious slope. We have to keep pushing, we have to keep trying, we have to keep going, no matter how weak, scared, tired or afraid we may be. and it's perfectly ok, to go slowly, to go carefully. It's okay to feel terrified and dizzy as you look back and see how high you have reached, how far you have come. But the most important thing is to keep going, no matter what. To never, ever give up, until you reach the very top of that mountain, so you can stand and admire that beautiful view. :)

And recovery goals for this week :)

  1. To clean my plate, bowl, pot, cup etc after every single meal :)
  2. To say thank you after every single one of my meals and show how much I enjoyed and appreciated it :)
  3. To try even more yummy new things :)
  4. To challenge my ED thoughts and instincts; to question what the voice has established as "truths", but what often are, in reality, falsities....for I really dislike cabbage cooked in butter? Or do I like it really? Is it the ED telling me that I don't like things cooked in butter because of the extra calories?? etc. :)
  5. To go with my "gut instinct" and choose what I genuinely want to eat when given a choice of foods. Not what my ED thinks I should have; rather, what I, not the voice, feels tempted by. :)


  1. These are awesome goals!! You go girl!! :)

  2. I am so proud of you!!! <3 Going with your gut instinct is a great idea!!! Dont listen to that voice in your head. I know you can do this!!!! Focus on these goals :)

  3. <3 aww, thank you so much izzy <3 i feel as if i have actually made great progress this week in trying out new foods, going with what i want, not what I (or the voice) thinks is SHOULD have... and I really feel as if the voice is getting weaker. I know I have some work to do but I know I am better and stronger than my ED :) have a lovely day izzy xxxx