I know that, because for years, this had almost become my life philosophy. I thought my life was worthless and that my presence was an unnecessary one. I frequently told myself...I won't ever recover, because there's no point in me even trying. There's nothing for me to live for. I don't deserve to live.
But I know now I was so, so WRONG. And I implore you now, with every single inch of my heart and soul...don't ever, ever tell yourself that you are useless, that you are worth nothing, and that life and recovery are not worth fighting for. That is the Voice in your head telling you that, and that voice is WRONG, with a capital W. You have so , so much to live for...and you have so much to offer the world, too. there is and always will be only one of you. So if you are struggling, take a deep breath, clear your mind, smile even though you feel like crying, and think. Think of the life that's waiting for you out there, which once you are free and healthy, you will be able to grasp with both hands, embrace with all your strength. You are worth so, so much more than your eating disorder...so don't hold back. Don't let your eating disorder prevent you from embracing that life that you want, that life you will love. And then use that strength to conquer your fears, realise your dreams, and silence that manipulative, lying, cruel little voice in the bback of your mind forever.
anyway, after that ramble, onto the positivity challenge!!! :D (please do feel free to add yours!! ;)
What do I look forward to the most when I am healthy and free of my eating disorder...
- Being able to enjoy life , without being controlled and manipulated by a voice which forces me to lie, to hate myself, to cry endless tears and to mistreat and abuse my own body.
- Being able to enjoy the foods I love the most without any guilt or anxiety whatsoever.
- Being able to spend time with the people I love, and to enjoy food with them, and to see the happy, proud smiles on their faces as they look at me and see how much I have overcome.
- Being able to walk without any discomfort or fears of damaging my body. being able to perhaps take up a new physical hobby - dancing, strength-training, hiking, swimming. being able to go for long endless walks with benny and then to come in from the cold and devour warm toast and steaming mugs of hot choc by the fire in fluffy pjs.
- Being able to write well again, to be able to concentrate, and discover where my passion lies.