At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...
I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)
Wednesday, 11 February 2015
The road and the valley.
Looking back on it now, I realise just how lucky I was...that I found my inner strength and willingness to fight, just in time. I know now that if I had chosen never to reach out, and to carry on along that slippery, thorn-strewn road of pain that led directly to my own self-destruction, I would not be sitting here writing to you now. I probably wouldn't even be here, today. Don't ever forget that that Voice is the Voice of a murderer. It robs, it thieves, it tears apart families and relationships and friendships as mercilessly and as ruthlessly as a a knife slicing through silk. And it kills. It could have killed me. I know how fortunate I am to be here, right now, and at a stage when I can look back on all that lies behind me, and see how far I have come.
Never forget it's okay to feel afraid.
Being afraid does not in anyway mean that you are not strong.
And of course, the road to recovery is scary...it's foggy, steep, and rocky. But at the end of that road lies a beautiful valley. And with every step you take along that road, just know that you are becoming stronger. And soon you will see that fresh green valley, new and glowing and as bright as a star. That valley represents the life that's out there waiting for you...one full of happiness, excitement and opportunity, uncontaminated and untouched by any trace of your eating disorder.
Never stop fighting for the life that you love. :)