At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Sunday, 31 August 2014

Economical or just plain stupid?

I would like to put a question out to you now. This probably will make me sound more ridiculous and silly than ever I know…but anyway, I had to get this one out there.
You see I often make my food choices based on what I think needs using up, what there is a lot of, what is the cheapest…it all resolves over my obsessiveness…yes, I suppose it is quite appropriate to term it as just that….over wasting food and wasting money.
I’m not going to give you too many examples as that would be sort of boring and yes, sometimes I think it is common sense and perfectly acceptable, eg. I didn’t put any other vegetables like broccoli or carrots on the shopping list this week because we have so many runner beans popping up in the garden alongside the courgettes and lettuces; so hence this week, with the roast chicken on wednesday and the fish cakes on thursday, we will be having beans both of those days. That’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with that. But…is there something wrong with this little situation that I had this morning. 
This morning I really fancied having Weetabix with cold milk. I opened the fridge and saw that there was an unopened bottle of skimmed milk that was out of date tomorrow. And though I knew that I shouldn’t have…I had that on my Weetabix instead of full-fat milk. All because I didn’t want it to go to waste.
And so I suppose the big question is…is my preoccupation with not wasting food and saving money (even if it is, like, such a small amount…after all, a 1 litre carton of skimmed milk is about 85 cent here in Ireland. ) getting in the way of my weight gain? I know this is only one not very good example…but I guess it does all add up. Here is another one…the other day I actually mixed my fullfat milk with a bit of water to make it last longer; as I didn’t want Mam to have to go out to the shop to buy me another one until we actually went shopping on Friday. Instead of choosing, for toast, a wholegrain variety of bread with seeds in it…generally, the more expensive kind…I always, when we are shopping, pick up a cheap brown Tesco bread which probably does not have half the nutrition in it as the seedy one does. There’s loads of other examples, but as I say I don’t want to prattle on about it too much,.But I don’t know. Should I really be putting being economical before making food choices which I know, deep down, really are the best for me in regard to my recovery and gaining weight?

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