At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Sunday, 5 April 2015

Happy Easter Everyone! :)

Happy Easter to all my so, so special readers, wide and far <3

What are YOU doing this Easter Sunday? Well, I'm not up to that much ha :p but yes as you've probably guessed, I have been busy in the kitchen this morning, making my very own hot cross buns <3 hot cross buns are a special favourite of mine at any time of the year so of course I had to make some delicious homemade ones with glace cherries and sultanas in them!!! :) <3 I can't wait to have one later on, toasted and spread with butter alongside my usual Mammy hot choc! ;)

And when I got up this morning the Easter Bunny had come round in the night obviously as I had my very own package of little chocolate bunnies...yep, the mini Lindt ones which I LOVE !! I would say it's highly likely that I will be having a few of them throughout the day...and also maybe on top of my banana pud tonight <3 melted Lindt chocolate...well never mind the actualchoc itself,  my own heart melts at the very thought of that... ;)

Anyway I hope you all have a lovely day <3 And I completely understand that easter is something which might be a major cause of anxiety for anyone with an eating disorder. And it makes me so sad and angry, that this horrible, horrible disease has the power to destroy the happiness of so many wonderful people out there in this world, and has turned what should be a day of joy and celebration into nothing but a source of fear, apprehension, stress and misery. It shouldn't be like that, and my heart goes out to anyone out there who is suffering.

my advice to anyone who is struggling, is to know that you aren't alone. Talk to someone about how you are feeling. Don't spend your day in isolation, as this just lets the ED thoughts and anxietiesfester. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you. Take time out to do something special for yourself. Maybe that might be having an Easter egg hunt if you have any small kids in the house, maybe making Easter cupcakes and spending time decorating them, maybe going for a little walk in the spring sunshine and looking at the daffodils and the crocuses all in full bloom.  Be proud of any small achievements you make today. Maybe having that bit of chocolate, maybe making some Simnel Cake with your mam and then having a slice with a cup of tea, maybe sitting down to enjoy a lovely easter Sunday dinner with your family.

And don't forget you can always email me  - I would love to hear from you and help you in any way I possibly can <3 here is my email address: .

Happy Easter everyone :) and check out my hot cross buns in the pics below - I guess it's a bit late now to post the recipe :(  maybe that's one for next year!! <3 



  1. Those buns look so amazing Emmy. you really are a great Baker :). You look so happy and your face is truly glowing in those photos, gorgeous!. :) x

    I would love to hear about how you are going now that you are back home. Do you feel mentally stronger since being an Inpatient? Do you still have regular doctors appointments? I would love to hear from you soon.
    Karly :)

    1. <3 thank you so much Karly! I had great fun making and eating them buns! ;) Oh course I'll let you know about how my daypatient treatment is going - I might write a wee post on that. But also Karly please feel free to email me at anytime. happy Easter! <3 :) I hope you had a lovely day! <3 xxx

  2. So glad you were able to spend Easter with your family! Your buns look amazing!! I've never had a hot crossed bun before (I guess they're not such a big thing in Canada). I'm excited because Easter means Lent is over and I have so many of your blog posts to catch up on (gave up the internet for Lent!)

    Glad to see you are doing so well. I know I have said this before, but you deserve SO much happiness for everything you do for others <3

    -N xx

  3. <3 I have missed your comment so much hun!! Thank you so much and happy easter to you <3 I am interested to hear about what you say about the hot cross buns as over here they are so popular at Eastertime!!!

    Thank you so much for your lovely words hun <3 you are a true friend and everything you say really touches my heart <3

    Love, Emmy xxx