At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Saturday, 16 January 2016

Lunchtime Labours SORTED!! ;)

One of my ED goals this week was centred on lunchtimes and making lunch for myself, as this is undoubtedly an area which I have struggled with alot in the past. Specifically, this week my aim was to try and vary what I had for lunch every day, in addition to making sure that I had enough of everything, especially in regard to the protein filling.

Lunchtimes, particularly when eating alone or making lunch when noone else is there, have always posed problems for me, and would be an area I would definitely not consider as one of my strong points. As mentioned before, I always had the tendency to not have enough of the protein filling at lunchtime: my rolls and sandwiches would have been sparsely and meagerly filled with the tiniest and most measly amount of ham or cheese, placed strategically at the corners of the bread so that anyone who would have happened to glance at my "lunch" might have mistakenly assumed that I had given myself enough. If I was eating alone, things would deteriorate even further. everything was so frugal, so paltry; so pitifully and scantily insufficient.

But I know now it is time to dispense with all of that. I know what I need to do, and I have (another!!) wee plan of action in place now, which I hope will enable me to tackle my lunchtime labours. (Sorry, I wanted this to be alliterative, I know the word "problems" or issues etc would be more appropriate in this context...but since neither of those words begin with the same letter as lunchtimes, I had to make do with what I had!! :'( ;) So anyway, here was have it...my new guidelines for dealing with lunchtime labours.

  My New Guidelines for Lunchtimes!! :)


1.)When possible, always eat with others, or let mam make it for me when she offers.

2.)For the amounts of the protein filling, I thought I would draw up this little guide, to be referred to whenever I am making lunch by myself. As I mentioned before, I find it hard to tell what exactly is the "right" amount of protein filling...and I know that it's so important for me at this time to make sure I am eating enough of this.
 A normal, healthy person with no understanding of eating disorders might find all this uncertainty and hesitation quite amusing, and say, "just have as much as you want!" Unfortunately, it is never going as simple with that for a person recovering from anorexia, of course,
  • Tinned tuna: third to half of a can, mixed with a good dollop of mayonnaise and sweetcorn if there is some going begging!! ;)
  • Tinned salmon: half to third of a can 
  • Egg: 1 boiled egg, mixed with good dollop of mayo if making egg mayonnaise. I also loveee soft boiled eggs with toast and cherry tomatoes on the side. <3
  • Ham: 1 slice of ham
  • Cheese: This is the one which I am not so sure about at all...tomorrow I might talk about this with mam and ask for her opinion on it. Is there a certain weight of cheese I should try to aim for? Anyway, I suppose a good general rule of thumb is to have as many slices so that the whole of bottom half of the roll/the bottom piece of bread etc. is completely covered up. And no wafer-thin slices allowed!! 
  • Chicken, cold fresh salmon, turkey, etc: again, it's difficult to say but the cheese guideline might be good for this: have an amount which completely covers the bottom of the roll.

3.)Don't pick little bits of rolls, bread etc. Ask yourself : what difference will that small bit of bread make???

4.) Don't be afraid to be more adventurous and try out things like soup with crusty bread, or a baked potato and with salad and a filling, instead of having my usual rolls sometimes. It's true to say though rolls are still my favourite... when I say rolls I mean, the soft brown oat toped rolls I buy in Aldis, submarine rolls, seeded rolls...ohhh and of course soft mini baguettes are one of my top favourites of all <3

5.) The past few weeks I have been having fruit in the morning with my hot choc instead of after lunch..BUT from this week onwards...I am going to try and have a proper snack with my morning hot choc, so I will have my fruit there after lunch instead.

6.) And of course, don't hold back from adding lots of yummy vegetables or salad. Tomatoes are my favourite (especialllyyy cherry ones <3 , but I also love beetroot, sweetcorn, cucumber, etc etc


Tomorrow I will fill you in on this week's progress..and also talk about something which, as already mentioned, represents in itself an enormous and daunting challenge for me, but which I know deep down is crucial to making further progress in my recovery..that being, of course, the upping of the meal plan again. Anyway, I will discuss this in further detail in my post tomorrow.

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