For since my ED first developed all those years ago...the relationship I have had with my own body has been far from ideal.
Almost every day when I was in the control of my ED, I would awake and look in the mirror and hate what I saw. Hating, but being too scared the change. Hating, but not realising that if I just faced my fears and made that decision to take that step...that I would look miles, miles better. But no. My ED told me that if you put on weight, you will look even more repellent than you already are...
But now, as I stand at this crucial moment of recovery, I need to recognise that I am not ugly, I am not fat, I do not look as awful as my ED always told me that I was.
No... I know that I can be pretty. All I need to do now is gain the weight I need. And then let the inner beauty hidden within begin to shine. :)
And though I know how enormously difficult it is...I believe we must all strive to accept and love our bodies.
So if you have just 5 minutes today...(or even less than that ;) ) - take the time to smile in the mirror and see your body as it really is. The human body is AMAZING...have you ever stopped to consider that? Think about it....the tens of thousands of miniscule cells that make up this one incredible, complex, and beautiful organism that is YOU.
You are beautiful. Just open your eyes and see it and realise it. :)
And then maybe make a list (and don't feel like you have to stop at 5!!! ) like mine below. :)
- My hair. I've always had it relatively long - in my school days up till I was 18 I had it hip length :o but then I cut it to my shoulder and it's grown back. A few people have asked me is that its natural colour. It is. I love the way it curls slightly after I wash it and the blonde highlights I get in it in the summertime. :)
- My smile. :) I try to smile as much as I can. Just one smile, I believe, is such a beautiful little thing on anyone's face.
- My neck.
- My eyelashes - they are actually quite long for such a small person. :p
- My eyes. I've been told they are kind and sincere. :) I sort of would have liked to have green eyes like my Mam, but I have my Daddy's blue-grey ones. But I like them anyway. :)