At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Thursday, 11 December 2014

Izzy's 5 positive things challenge!!! :) Day 4

Day 4....ahh, yes. The tricky one...for me anyway. The list today involves 5 things you like about yourself appearance wise. This was a difficult thing for me to write.
 For since my ED first developed all those years ago...the relationship I have had with my own body has been far from ideal.
 Almost every day when I was in the control of my ED, I would awake and look in the mirror and hate what I saw. Hating, but being too scared the change. Hating, but not realising that if I just faced my fears and made that decision to take that step...that I would look miles, miles better. But no. My ED told me that if you put on weight, you will look even more repellent than you already are...

But now, as I stand at this crucial moment of recovery, I need to recognise that I am not ugly, I am not fat, I do not look as awful as my ED always told me that I was.

No... I know that I can be pretty. All I need to do now is gain the weight I need. And then let the inner beauty hidden within begin to shine. :)
And this should apply for EVERYONE. Human beings are beautiful creatures.
And though I know how enormously difficult it is...I believe we must all strive to accept and love our bodies.

So if you have just 5 minutes today...(or even less than that ;) ) - take the time to smile in the mirror and see your body as it really is. The human body is AMAZING...have you ever stopped to consider that? Think about it....the tens of thousands of miniscule cells that make up this one incredible, complex, and beautiful organism that is YOU.

You are beautiful. Just open your eyes and see it and realise it. :)

And then maybe make a list (and don't feel like you have to stop at 5!!! ) like mine below. :)

  1. My hair. I've always had it relatively long - in my school days up till I was 18 I had it hip length :o but then I cut it to my shoulder and it's grown back. A few people have asked me is that its natural colour. It is. I love the way it curls slightly after I wash it and the blonde highlights I get in it in the summertime. :)
  2. My smile. :) I try to smile as much as I can. Just one smile, I believe, is such a beautiful little thing on anyone's face. 
  3. My neck. 
  4. My eyelashes - they are actually quite long for such a small person. :p
  5. My eyes. I've been told they are kind and sincere. :) I sort of would have liked to have green eyes like my Mam, but I have my Daddy's blue-grey ones. But I like them anyway. :)


  1. Such a beautiful post! :) I always thought having blue eyes would be great but when I think of it my brown eyes suit me much more :)
    And you do have beautiful hair!

    1. Aww Olivia <3 thank you so much, that is so lovely of youto say <3 I think the brown eye colour is beautiful too. In fact, all colours are beautiful!! The human eye is amazing. Thank you so much for the comment hun I am so touched <3 <3 <3 xxxxx

  2. You are beautiful, never forget that!! Dont listen to the voice in your head that tells you that you arent. You are beautiful now and you will still be beautiful when you have gained weight :)
    I hope you have a lovely Friday!

    1. Aww Izzy thank you so much <3 that makes me feel so much better about myself. I like to think that I will look alot better when I reach a healthy weight :) already having gained weight over the past 2 months I can see the difference - even though I know of course there's still more work to do :/ Thank you so much Izzy, you too <3 xxxxx