My 2015 new year resoultions!! :) :D

I know this is sort of random...but I thought I would just share my new year's resolutions with you! ;) And some of them are after all related to what my blog is all about - that being, of course, recovery and cooking/baking.

And can I just take this opportunity to wish all my readers a very, very happy new year <3 I hope that 2015 will be a happy, healthy and enjoyable year for you, full of smiles and fun and good times, and all those special moments which make our lives so magical. :)

Anyway, in no particular order....

Ganache-Elf's 2015 New Year Resolutions. :)

1. To fight even harder against my eating disorder, and strive to reach full recovery.
2. To become even better at cooking/baking!! :) And to get lots of variety into what I make. This year I am determined to be more organised and plan what I am going to do at the beginning of each week - no more going to the cupboard like I did the other day, set on making a cherry cake...only to find not only am I appallingly low on glace cherries - shock, HORROR!! How could I have ran out of one of my baking cupboard's essentials?? - but I also didn't have any ground almonds. 
3. To be tidier!! haha..something my mam is always giving out to me about ;)
4. To continue to develop my Cocoa-Stained Apron ;) I really want to try to write at least one post a day! :)
5. To write Morokia!! :)
6. To focus more on the "crafty" things I enjoy too - ie. knitting scarves (and maybe sometime in the future....HATS :p ) and painting by numbers. :)
7. To cook, and try, new foods! To experiment with different cuisines.
8. I would really like to try and learn a bit of a new language... Spanish I have a teency (and I MEAN teency ;) bit of. so I wouldn't mind learning more of that. Or perhaps piciking up French or Irish again...I learnt these two languages in school, but as is often the case when you aren't regularly practising a language, exposing yourself to it on a weekly basis through speech and written word, then all that vocabulary and grammar you committed to memory is forgotten. Or maybe an entirely different one? German perhaps? ;)
9. To volunteer in my local community - something I have never done before, but which I have always aspired to do. I particularly would like to work with children or elderly people.

I might make more of these, but now it's time for breakfast and I can't think of anymore for the present. Happy new year everyone <3 

Chocolate tiffin truffles. :)

It was Christmas 2011 when I first made these divine little chocolate treats, having come up with the idea myself of combining two of my big sister's favourite ever sweet things - those being, chocolate and chocolate tiffin, of course. ;). they make such a gorgeous little gift, for Christmas (ahem...I'm sorry, I know I am like way too late now :( ) or for a birthday or anniversary etc...or if you just want to make something extra special for a loved one or dear friend. And of course the wonderful thing about these is they look so pretty and dainty - the ganache has a lovely shine to it, and if you take care when cutting the truffles into neat little squares, the result really does look quite professional indeed. And they are small enough to just pop into your mouth whenever you feel like a little chocolate hit or nibble.

Ingredients :)

• 125 g digestive biscuits, crushed
• 75 g rich tea biscuits, crushed
• 3 tbsp golden syrup
• 2 tbsp cocoa powder 
• 100 g butter/margarine, diced
• 25 g sultanas
• 25 g hazelnuts (optional)
• 25 g maltesers (optional)
• 200 ml single cream
• 200 g plain chocolate, roughly chopped

Method :)

1. Grease a 20 cm deep square cake tin and line with baking parchment.
2. Put the butter/margarine in a saucepan with the syrup. (Use a heated spoon to make measuring the syrup a bit easier. :) )
3. When the butter has melted, stir in the cocoa powder and then the biscuit crumbs and the sultanas (and the nuts if using. )
4. If you are adding in maltesers <3 then wait a little while before stirring them in or the milk chocolate will all melt on you. (but would that necssarily be a bad thing? ;) )
5. Mix together well and then turn intpo the prepared tin, smoothing the surface.
6. Put in the fridge until it is set and hardened. 
7. For the ganache,Put the cream in a saucepan with the plain chocolate. Place the pan on a very low heat, stirring occasionally, until the chocolate is completely melted and the ganache is smooth and glossy. 
8. Pour the ganache over the tiffin base, gently tilting the tin if necessary so that it is completely covered with a smooth, shiny layer of ganache. 
9. refrigerate again once more until the ganache is firm and set.
10. Use a very sharp knife to cut out little squares. You can cut them as big or as small as you like, though I usually like to cut mine quite small - about the size of the little chocolates you get in a box. 

The phoenix.:)

Having spent the past two and a half years drifting through college, barely getting the required reading for my tutorials completed in time, and driving myself into tearful fits of frustration and panic over essays and assignments which presented, to me anyway, a task so difficult it was almost impossible to even begin...well, with all that, and with my eating disorder dominating my head, my mind, my thoughts for the whole length of that time....I can't say that I learnt really that much. But of course, a few things do stick out in my mind. Lancelot's rescue of Guinevere from the treacherous Mellygaunte. (Think I spelt that wrong, apologies Sir Thomas Malory!! ) . My half-hearted efforts at reading the Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, gentleman - quite possibly the most confusing and irritating novel I have ever attempted to read; and one which I will most certainly not be endeavouring to pick up ever again. And also, the conclusion of a one of the most popular science fiction books ever written; that being Ray Bradbury's Farenheit 451. The image that pervades over the closing section of this book is that of the phoenix. The fire bird...the bird that destroys itself, or so it seems, but then rises from those very same ashes which brought about its destruction - beautiful, strong, unbroken.

Alongside the fact that I have always been fascinated by mythical creatures in general - my childhood games were always filled with unicorns, dragons, trolls and such like - the image of this particular magical beast has a special resonance for me.

For I can liken myself to the phoenix, in a way. For I was so, so close to truly killing myself...but then, in May 2014, I realised that I had to make that change. I was, slowly but surely, destroying myself, by never fighting that ruthless, mainpulative little voice in my head. And even, in that moment of crucial realisation, it did, at first, appear as it it was, really and truly, too late. I had carried along that road for so, so long, that to even attempt to change my path seemed nigh on impossible. I wanted to give up. I yearned so badly to just continue on with that life that now was what represented reality, to me: it was familiar, in a terrible, awful sort of way, and the thought of having to step out of that horrible, cold, but familiar world was to me, at the time, truly frightening. I wanted to stay there, right where I was...or, more than ever, ever before, I wished I could just curl into a ball and hide away from the rest of the world; to fall asleep forever and to never wake up. To be, for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime, at peace.

It was as if my life, my whole world had been torn apart, leaving nothing but broken, shattered pieces, flimsy little embers, in my hands.

But then, just like a phoenix, I rose from those ashes.

And if I can do it, I know that you can too.

I believe that we can all be phoenixes, together. I believe we can together make our weaknesses our strength.  That we can turn on that voice that was our greatest ever enemy and the source of our greatest pain. We can leave that world we once knew - the one that was the only one we ever knew, it seemed - but one which was full of suffering. We can turn those ashes into something positive. And just like the phoenix we can become strong and whole again, and even more beautiful than before. :)

I like to think that in drawing upon my experiences and sharing my story, I can help those who have been, or who still are, in a similar place as I was, and am. I know I have come far, since that month when everything changed - May 2014. and along the way, I have grown. I'm wiser now. I know there's still alot to be learnt, and in 2015, the year when I will receive professional treatment for my eating disorder, I will come to learn even more.

I know that in choosing recovery, choosing to fight the voice of my ED, choosing life and happiness over misery and hurting - I will be able to make a difference. I will be abble to reach out to those who are struggling. I will be able to proof that eating disorders can, and will, be beaten.

I have made my weakness my strength.

And I know that you can too. :)

I know this post was a bit of a ramble..Sorry about that. You wouldn't know it but it was originally intended to be the continuation of my last post about 2014. That's coming up next !! And i'll try not to waffle, promise. :)

Marshy the Snowman Cupcakes!! :)

Meet Marshy the Snowman everyone!! Haha, or should that be Snowmen, for as usual this recipe yields 12 identical cupcakes. ;) And yes instead of Frosty the Snowman like they have in the song, it's Marshy the Snowman because that white stuff they snowmen are made of isn't, after all, any kind of icing or frosting or whatever - the head and the body consist of nothing but squishy white marhsmallows, another one of Ganache-Elf's big weaknesses. usually, as you might have guessed, I like to enjoy these delightful, soft members of the confectionary family on top of a hot choc in semi-molten form, but on this occasion, I thought they contributed very well to the aesthetic appeal of these Christmassy Cupcakes, as well as their scrumptiousness, of course. ;)

Ingredients :)

• 125 g margarine/butter, softened
• 125 g light muscovado sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 125 g self-raising flour
• 2 tbsp cocoa powder
• 2 - 3 tbsp full-fat milk
• 100 g white chocolate

For the dark chocolate ganache and decorations ;)

• 150 g plain chocolate, roughly chopped
• 150 ml single cream
• 1 - 2 Cadbury Flake bars (or any other kind of flaky milk chocolate like Galaxy Ripple or cadbury Twirl :) )
• About 10 white marshmallows (or you might need more depending on their size :) 

Method :)

1. preheat oven to 180c/160 c fan. Line a muffin pan with 12 paper cases. 
2. Place the margarine in a big bowl and beat with an electric mixer until very soft. 
3. Chope the white chocolate with a sharp knife into small chunks or big chips. 
4. Add the sugar, the eggs, the flour and the sifted cocoa powder.Mix well with an electric mixer for about 2 minutes; before pausing the mixer and scaping down the sides of the bowl with a large metal spoon. Resume mixing for another minute until smooth and well-blended.  
5. Spoon up some of the batter and let it fall back into the bowl to check it is of a nice, soft, dropping consistency. Add 2- 3 tbsp of milk, a tbsp at a time, if it seems a little on the thick side. 
6. Fold in the white chocolate chips gently with a metal spoon. Then equally divide the batter amongst the paper cases.
7. Bake for about 15 - 20 minutes, until the cupcakes are well-risen and spring back when lightly pressed with a fingertip. If an indent is left when you do this, bake for a few minutes more before testing again.
8. Leave in the tin for about 5 minutes, then carefully transfer to a wire rack to cool. 
9. Make the dark choc ganache by melting the 150g plain chocolate with 150 ml single cream, on a very low heat in a small saucepan. Stir until smooth and then refrigerate for about 1 ½ - 2 hours, checking after 1 ½ hours…you don’t want it very hard, just a nice spreadable consistency.
10. Splodge a generous dollop of ganache on top of each cooled cupcake, reserving a small amount for piping the eyes and buttons of the snowmen.
11. For the snowmen, cut 6 of the white marshmallows into half. Place each half on top of each cupcake, leaving a little space at the top for the head.
12. Cut another marshmallow across its width into about 4 or 5 small pieces. Place the "heads" on top of the halved marshmallow on each cupcake.
13. Now fill an icing bag fitted with a plain nozzle with the reserve ganache. 
14. use this ganache to dot a pair of eyes, a little nose and a smile on each snowman. Then dot three buttons on each plump middle. :)
15. Carefully break the flake/ripple into long thin shards and use these to make the arms of each snowman. :)

It was the end of my old world...

To quote from my blog post from several days ago now - And so for my next post I want to share with you...my year, of 2014. So apologies about that - I know this post is a little overdue ;) But as you all know my festive baking has kept me very much occupied over the past few days... ;)

Anyway, to return to the point...2014. I'll try to not drone on too much. As there is an awful lot more that I could say, about my 2014. Of course alot of things I don't remember, but there are some of those painful, minute details about what I did which I can't entirely erase from my memory.

And so in January of this year, the Christmas holidays drew to a close and it was time for me to return to college. My Christmas had been nice. I was still skinny, of course, but not painfully so.Up to this point, I hadn't quite entered that phase which was to become the worst stage of my eating disorder...but I think this did begin in late January, early February of this year.

Up till this year, I don't think I had ever intentionally , purposefully skipped a meal. Of course, perhaps one of two times in the past, if say I had been on holidays with my family and our plane had got delayed or something like that. But that aside...skipping meals at one time was just, well unthinkable to me really. I never used to like being hungry, as it meant that I got irritable and couldn't concentrate. But that all changed this year, too. I started to want to have that empty, hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach, which reassured me that there was no way I had eaten enough in the past few hours, days, week.

Why did I sink so low at the beginning of this year...? Well...in a similar way as when my eating disorder first developed all those years ago, there were a few things involved. First of all...loneliness. I was lonely, sad and isolated. And that meant that my appetite was pretty much non-existent. I became against the idea of eating alone....if ever was the case that I was on my own any morning, afternoon, evening or night, I would not eat. No matter how hungry I was.

There were other factors too which pushed me down ever deeper. The persistent feelings of self-worthlessness, self-hate, low self-esteem. I wanted to punish myself, in a way - and I told myself I was a good-for-nothing, stupid, unattractive girl whose existence was completely and utterly unnecessary. But as I mentioned before, I was too afraid to attempt suicide. But I derived strength from the fact I could damage myself in this sort of way. On the other hand, when I felt a little more upbeat and I didn't feel as self-hateful, a little voice at the back of my brain whispered to me that what I was doing, what I had been doing was very, very wrong. But what of it? I always answered to that voice, pushing it gently away. There's nothing wrong with me. I can walk miles and miles, noone can keep up with me when I'm walking. I never get colds. I'm no anorexic. I'm in perfectly good health! And so on I went, and the brief moments of happiness would always pass, to be engulfed and consumed by the other, oppressive feelings of uselessness and self-loathing.

What I didn't seem to take heed of, when I carelessly told myself that I'm in perfect good health , was the other signs which, to any other person, might have indicated that something was seriously wrong with my body.

For one thing, I had never, ever had one period, and I was fast approaching my 20th birthday.

Secondly, I was always so, so tired. Not boldily: rather, mentally : I could never do any kind of study, because when I went to sit down with my book and notes, a heavy cloud of sleepy sluggishness would overcome me.I would sit there staring at the page, the words meaningless and incomprehensible, tears of frustration pricking my eyes as I berated myself, over and over again, convinced that I was just naturally stupid and incapable of doing anything.

By March, I was steadily but surely losing more and more weight. College was bad and I was struggling to keep up with my fellow students. The exams were fast approaching and I hadn't done any kind of revision.

As the month dragged on, I, at the advice of one of my closest friends, went to the counselling service at Trinity to talk about my academic concerns. A tall, middle-aged man with brown hair and a kind, sincere face sat down with me and asked me why I had came. He glanced over the questionaire I had filled out in the waiitng room, which was used by the counsellors to help them identify where the student's problems really lay. A moment passed, and then he lifted his eyes to meet my own. I could feel the weight of his gaze.

I think he knew. He knew that I had lied on that form. This questionnaire consisted of a number of statements (eg. I struggle with low self-esteem), which, in your response to, you were required to indicate whether or not the statement applied to you.

I had answered, truthfully and honestly, to every single one of them...except one.

I have issues with eating.

I talked for about 50 minutes with my counsellor about my stress, my anxiety, my feelings of ineptitude and worthlessness and wretchedness. At 10 to 12 my counsellor stood up and shook my hand, but before he let go he looked into my eyes and asked me was I sure there was nothing else I wanted to talk about before I went.

I hesitated, slightly taken aback. I hadn't cried for the whole session, much to my surprise, as I am in general quite an emotional person. But I had checked my tears. Though at the very moment, I wanted so badly to cry. It was one of those brief, fleeting moments when i realised that what I was doing in regard to my eating was wrong. No. I don't, I CANT have an eating disorder, a hard voice said firmly.  But then...how come you are so tired and lacking of energy? So hungry all the time? whispered another tiny little voice, so muffled it was as if it were speaking through layers of thick fabric. What do you think Mam would have said if she saw how little pasta you ate last night? 

And so I smiled, and told another lie. I said I was fine, and thanked him for everything he had done. His eyes were sad and concerned as I turned to go.

But his words and advice stayed with me. Another month passed...March daffodils were replaced by the buds and blossoms of April; and then the cool freshness of early spring surrendered to the warm, sunlit touch of May. And it was in May 2014 that I finally realised that I couldn't stay blind and helpless forever. I realised, with certainty, that I was suffering from an eating disorder.

The Holly Leaf Log!! :)

Happy Christmas everyone !!! Well when I started on the post yesterday, it was St. Stephen's Day, or Boxing Day as we say in England ;) and it was absolutely BUCKETING down with rain. No white Christmas for us in Laois this year I guess. :( But hey, looking at this chocolate log here, you wouldn't know it, right? Nothing like a little sprinkling of icing sugar for that gorgeous snowy effect upon a festive Christmas treat. ;) And fortunately, I made this on Christmas Eve in consent with my brother's demands ;) and it wasn't raining then, fortunately. For if it had been, Santa's sledge might well have ended up being a rather soggy affair - and Ganache-Elf would have been deterred once again from wandering down the lane to find those precious holly leaves. ;)

Anyway, to cut a long story short, holly leaves were found and gathered - mission accomplished!!! And then on Christmas evening, not only were logs crackling away on the fire, adding a true Christmassy feel to the air - but there was a log of an entirely different sort sitting prettily in the kitchen, adorned with chocolate holly leaves and dusted with powdery, snow-like icing sugar; all of which served to contribute further to that wonderful, nostalgic atmosphere that is Christmas...a time of joy, excitement, love, and giving. And chocolate of course, as I have mentioned before. ;)

I have been making this chocolate log for several years now. It's my little brother's favourite Christmas dessert - he's never been a fan of Christmas pudding or the trifle that my Daddy favours. But this cake manages to combine all of the qualities I would asscociate with my brother's ideal dessert. Whipped cream, dark chocolate ganache, a soft, light chocolate sponge, and lots of beautiful prickly holly leaves made of real chocolate. 

I just adore the wintry prettiness of this log. it's what you would call a real show-stopper. ;) Feel free to make as many chocolate leaves as you like. Just be careful when you pluck the natural leaves from the branches of the holly tree - those pricks on the edges sure are sharp. :) You will also need a little paintbrush for "painting" the leaves with chocolate. Yes, this is how you do it...it's that simple!! ;) But as I say, a clean, small paintbrush is required for this. A new one is probably best of course, though I use one which hails from my Painting by Number days - well washed of course - though since chocolate leaves are fast becoming one of my preferred decorative effects to add to chocolate cakes, I intend to toddle along to the shops one day soon and buy my very own Tesco Value paintbrush for such a purpose. ;)

Ingredients :)

For the sponge...

• 3 large eggs (at room temperature :) )
• 125 g caster sugar
• 2 tbsp cocoa powder
• 25 g plain flour

For the filling and ganache...

• 200 ml whipping/double cream
• 200 g plain chocolate, roughly chopped
• 200 ml single cream

For the leaves...

• About 100 g - 150 g plain chocolate (or more if you feel so inclined :) ), roughly chopped
• A little icing sugar for dusting

Method :)

• I think it is always a good idea to start this cake by making the leaves. Gather  a good quantity of fresh holly leaves from a tree. Wash them very gently in a sieve and then pat dry on kitchen paper. Make sure they are completely dry before you resume with the chocolate melting. ;)
• Melt the plain chocolate for the leaves in a heatproof bowl sitting over a pan of simmering water, stirring occasionally until completely melted.
• Leave for a few minutes to cool slightly. Place a large piece of baking paper on a tray. Then, use your little paintbrush to paint a thick layer of melted chocolate on the underside of each holly leaf. Make sure it is quite a thick layer, or the chocolate will just crack or flake when you remove the leaf later on. Place the painted leaves on the tray, wet sides facing up. Leave in a cold place or the fridge for about an hour to set.

• While the leaves dry you can go about making the sponge. Preheat oven to 200 c/180 c fan.
• Grease a Swiss Roll tin (mine measures 30 cm x 20 cm :) ) and line with a large piece of baking paper. Cut it big enough so that it comes all the way up all four sides of the tin, trimming the overlaps if necessary with a pair of scissors.
• Break the eggs into a large bowl. With an electric whisk, beat them for about 2 minutes, then tip in 100 g of the caster sugar. Whisk them together for about 5 minutes, until the mixture becomes thicker, creamier and paler in colour. 
• Sift the cocoa and the flour together into a separate bowl and stir them together. Then, sift them into the bowl containing the whisked egg mixture.
• Fold the flour and cocoa very gently into the egg mixture with a large metal spoon. be very light-handed here so you dont knock out any of those air bubbles you created with all your hard work with the whisk!
• Transfer the batter to the prepared tin. Smooth it all out evenly with the metal spoon. Place in the oven and bake for about 10 minutes, until the cake is fully cooked, risen and spongy. It should be set and slightly firm. 
• While the cake is in the oven, cut a large piece of baking paper and lay it on top of a clean, dry tea towel on a work surface. Sprinkle with the remaining 25 g of caster sugar. 
• When the cake is cooked, turn it out onto the sugar-covered baking paper on the work surface. Very carefully remove the baking paper that the cake itself was baked in and discard.
• Then carefully roll the sponge up from the short side, rolling the sugar-covered baking paper inside it as you go.
• Place it on a wire rack and let it stand for about 5-7 minutes. Then unroll, keeping it on the sugared baking paper. Leave it on the wire rack standing on the tea towel to cool completely.

• Now check your chocolate leaves. If the chocolate has set, then take one leaf in one hand and, very, very slowly and carefully, peel the leaf off the hardened chocolate. Do this over a place or the bowl you melted the chocolate in, so that if the chocolate does snap or break you will be able to salvage the pieces and use them again for melting! 
• If you do end up with more broken leaves then whole ones, then don't be disheartened - this almost ALWAYS happens to me. Just remelt the shards of chocolate and then reapply them to the holly leaves. It's likely that, if your leaves were too fragile and snapped when you peeled them off the holly, that you weren;t generous enough applying the chocolate. Aim for a thick, even layer of melted chocolate on the back of each leaf. 

• Make the dark choc ganache by melting the 200g plain chocolate with 200 ml single cream, on a very low heat in a small saucepan. Stir until smooth and then refrigerate for about 1 ½ - 2 hours, checking after 1 ½ hours…you don’t want it very hard, just a nice spreadable consistency.
• When the gancahe is ready, whip the remaining 200 ml whipping/double cream until it form soft peaks - be careful not to overbeat. 
• Spread the whipped cream all over the cooled, unrolled sponge. Then reroll the sponge, from the short side as before, and place on a plate. So pretty and it's not even been decorated yet. ;) <3 Take your chocolate ganache and spread it with a palette knife all over the top and sides of the sponge.
• Finally, stick on all your exquisite chocolate leaves to cover the whole sponge, and then sprinkle over plenty of sifted icing sugar for that gorgeous, snowy effect. And there you have it, a perfect Christmassy treat which looks and tastes absolutely divine. <3 All you need to do now is a. ) decide whether you are going to reveal your secret of how you managed to rustle (heehee ;) ) up a load of real chocolate leaves, And b.)err, well have your cake and eat it, of course.

Happy Christmas everyone :) xxx

My Christmas Eve surprise :) and a little wish for all my special readers :)

Yesterday morning as I was sitting in the lounge, gathering up my thoughts to make my next blog post, the doorbell rang. Glancing up, I saw the kindly, slightly weather-worn face of the postman peering through the porch window, a bundle of paper packages and stamped envelopes in his gloved hands.

I hurried to the door and quickly flung it open, curious as to know whether any of the carefully handwritten addresses were headed by my own name; and were accordingly meant for me to open. I didn't expect that any of them would be, of course...but to my surprise and delight not one, but two of these packages had Emily Snelgrove written on them in two very different scripts.

Leaving the other mail on the kitchen table, I carried these two envelopes into my room as tentatively and as carefully as if they were vases filled with diamonds. And there in the quiet, still warmth of my little room I gently tore through the paper of the first package. The very same package which had been sealed, with so much love and care and thoughtfullness, by a very special friend of mine all the wya across the North Sea. <3

Inside as you can see, were lots of traditional German foods eaten at Christmas time, from gingery lebkuchen, fragrantly-spiced cinnamon stars, little chocolate pralines...and even two small bars of hot chocolate powder. <3

I was like a little girl then, at that one wonderful precious little moment on Christmas Eve. I had given a soft squeal of delight when I had opened this exquisite little box to reveal the delightful contents that lay within....which had travelled, across all those hundreds of hundreds of miles, from Augsburg in Germany to the very heart of the Irish Midlands, to now nestle safely in my hands.

And if this wasn't so incredibly generous and kind-hearted enough...accompanying this beautiful little Christmas gift was a hand-written letter, just for me.

The thoughts and words of this little letter served to both touch my heart and bring happy tears to my eyes. One sentence in particular struck me, and the little illustration drawn alongside it. My reader...who is so, so much more to me than that; she is an inspiration, a heroine to me - and, above all, a true and very special friend - drew her beautiful composition to a close with the following group of words before she signed off.

Sometimes we just need to let things go.

Beside this one little sentence, a little balloon on a string was being wafted gently away. I didn't have to read the two letters on the balloon itself to know and understand what it exactly symbolised.

Letting go...something which the past few years have taught me is a very hard thing to do, in many different situations.

It's hard to let your loved ones go when you hold them in your arms at the bus shuttle, knowing that many a week and a month might pass before you are able to see them again.

It's hard to let go when you are forced to make that excruciating, painful decision at the vets when they tell you your faithful furry friend is dying and the kindest thing you could do for them right now would be to let her go. 

And it's hard, to let go of that voice which has controlled you, held you, manipulated you for so, so long....so long, it has taken over you, become part of you, has become part and whole of your identity, so that your whole life is bent to revolve around it. You hate it, you detest it with all your heart and soul - but at the same time, letting go of that voice - pushing away its icy, cold hand and struggling upright by yourself - seems so, so hard it appears to be almost impossible....

But I know that WE can do it. :)

Now it's evening time and I'm sitting in the lounge by the fire, the fairy lights glistening in the smoky warmth, the smell of the pot pourris on the mantlepiece in my nostrils. The sound of laughter and happiness fill the air. Such a simple, but perfect little moment. My presents lie in a pile at my feet, Frozen siting atop of them, awaiting to be opened for my little movie session after dinner.

Thanks to the beautiful letter sent to me from my dear friend and reader, I suddenly do feel like Elsa in my favourite ever Disney movie. I am going to let it go. I can be strong and unique and beautiful - and I want YOU to realise this too. So please, please remember that, and that in this one short, brief little span of time known as life...you deserve, for every single day of that life, to be happy.

I just want to take this opportunity to thank all of you, my readers. You have been there for me ever since I embarked upon this long and challenging journey, and for that I will never be able to thank you enough. <3

For every little comment, message, words of advice or encouragement...you will never be able to comprehend just how much this all means to me. And some of you have gone even further than that...I think you know who you are, but now, if I could, I would just love to reach out and hug you all, and thank you personally from the heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you -  you are all AMAZING and I hope you all have a truly magical Christmas full of happiness and joy, and I would like to wish you all best for 2015 and beyond. <3

And before I sign off with my hot choc with one of my little German biccies for dunking alongside ( a little Spitzbuaba in the shape of a christmas tree :) ), I just want to send a special thank you out to the sender of my little Christmas Eve surprise...the box and letter which I will cherish forever. (the edile goodies, I'm afraid I can't guarantee they will be still around by the end of this week...;) but that is what they are intended for of course ;) ). I am so, so touched by your kindness and generosity Ange, and words will never be able to properly express how special our friendship is to me. <3 I would also like to mention that Ange too is the creator of her very own unique and truly amazing blog, How Nutella Saved My Life (Click HERE to see it :) ) . She writes with both enthusiasm and a positivity with is infectious, and she has made me laugh and smile when I have felt like crying and everything seems hopeless. She is an incredible inspiration and if you haven't read her blog yet, please do take a look. :) She will have you all reaching for the Nutella jar in no time.... ;)

Anyway, I MUST go now, or's my hot choc will be going cold. :o Happy Christmas everyone - Ganache-Elf sends you all her love and best wishes, at Christmas and always. <3

ps. I have been baking LOADS and I am so sorry I haven't put my recipes up yet. They will be up in the next few days, I promise. ;) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx