At first glance it might seem that I am just a happy, normal girl who loves to bake and walk her dog. However, I have suffered with an eating disorder since I was 13. It was only in May 2014 when I realised that this Voice in my head was slowly but surely trying to kill me. And so began the long, hard, and painful journey which is recovery...

I want My Cocoa Stained Apron to be a special place...a place for reflection, memories, shared stories...and of course a little bit of cocoa-staining ;) Recovery might be the hardest thing you ever choose to do in this life. But it is also the bravest and best decision you will ever make.:)

Monday, 23 July 2018

I sit down on the grass and look down at the landscape stretched below me. A landscape alight with the luscious shades and hues of high summer: golden wheatfields bowing in homage to the sun, shady wooded glades of emerald green; clusters of heather, mauvy pink and paling peach, and then the wafting poppy fields, as red and as freely flowing oin that brisk wind as fresly drawn blood spurting from an open wound. The scarlet induces within me a shudder, inevitbly turing my thoughts to the pain deep inside.

I turn my euyes away from this external beauty to examine something alot more closer and known, that being the contours and inclines of my own body. I stare for a long time at the thighs and the arms. 

Freedom. Its a word which I once didnt comprehend the true meaning of. but with the passig of years in recovery came a maturiry, a growth, an increased awareness and understanfding. 


  1. Hello, Emmy. It is nice to see you posting, though it is also nice to think of you being sufficiently absorbed in life that you needn't post. I hope all is going well for you. The couple of paragraphs here sound like a bit of a mixture, but I am glad that there is a sense of greater maturity, growth, awareness and understanding. It is rewarding and exciting, isn't it? I hope and trust that the pain deep inside will not be there forever, even if it feels like it has been there for a very long time. Very best wishes with your onward journey.

  2. Hello..and thank you so much for your comment and I cant apologise enough for not replying sooner.Ive really missed blogging and today I finally sat down and started to write a new blog post - something I've been meaning to do all summer but just kept putting off.
    It was lovely to hear from you, and thank you so much for your words. Yes, it is exactly how I feel..a strange mixture of feelings and emotions. This post was incomplete and I hadnt even realised I had published it - whoops! Anyway, I feel it is time for me to start writing again <3 Thank you and much love to you.x